Archive for the ‘Style’ Category

March 14th, 2011

You’re Not Alone (IV)

I’m not saying these are all about me. I’m just saying if you feel the same way, you’re not alone.

You’re not alone if…

…you didn’t like the book The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. You’re also not alone if you didn’t read it. What about if you tried to read it and didn’t like it (even though everyone else said it was so great)? Are you alone? No. You’re not alone if you can’t figure out why everyone said it was so great. You’re not alone if you read some of it, thought to yourself that there are just too many people–people with crazy ass names– and saw the movie instead. You’re not alone if you have never even heard of these books—you’re not alone, but it might be a good idea to go out a little bit.

…you don’t feel sexy after a day of work and/or carpools and cleaning up after your kids. Just give your spouse the heads up that you are exhausted so he’s not disappointed when he gets to bed and you’re drooling, but not over him. Keep reading this post »

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March 10th, 2011

Monkey See

Every now and then, my soon-to-be 4 year old daughter, Sweet Pea, lets loose with an “Oy…Jesus.” She has never been to church and to my knowledge has no friends named Jesus so it’s pretty safe to assume she heard it from me. Not good.

I say it. I think I might even say it a lot. My mom said it when I was growing up and it’s very possible that I picked it up from her. I certainly don’t say it with any trace of ill will or offense, I actually say it with loss. Jesus used to be on our team. I’m not entirely sure why he left. It seemed like he had a good thing going with us, but I wasn’t there so I can’t speak with any definitiveness. I guess eight days of Hanukkah and potato latkes weren’t enough to keep him. Good for him for starting his own thing. It’s proven to be a pretty successful endeavor so it seems he made a wise choice. Sometimes I feel the need to call out to him though. I guess I do it fairly often because Sweet Pea, my soon-to-be 4 year old, did it today. Keep reading this post »

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March 4th, 2011

You’re Not Alone (III)

I’m not saying these are all about me. I’m just saying if you feel the same way, you’re not alone.

You’re not alone if…

…you decided  to get scissors and physically cut stuff out of your kid’s hair because it’s just too sticky and too much of a pain in the ass to brush it out. You can’t get away with this forever, but if she’s only 19-months-old, you still can.

… sometimes you have to confer with a calendar to remember the last time you showered.

…someone gets your kid a present, and then you put it away because your kid has enough crap, and then you bring it out one day when your kid is being really good, and then you take all the credit.

… when your kid says ”Look at me! Look at me!” you sometimes reply “That’s great!” without even looking because you are busy and whatever they’re doing probably isn’t anything all that great. Keep reading this post »

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February 17th, 2011

Big Dogs and High Horses

I used to have a Golden Retriever named Barney. He was not our family dog; he was my dog. He was named after the store in NYC. Barney was very handsome and very regal–and he carried himself as such. He wore a Burberry collar, he stayed clear of lake water and he made me blow dry his fur if he got caught in the rain. Barney was my guy throughout my single years and when he died (the night before I got married) it broke my heart.

A month after our wedding, my husband (Cody) and I adopted Floyd. We found him at a Golden Retriever foster home. We were taken with his big head, stubby tail and kind eyes. We didn’t know he was completely out of his mind. Floyd chases cars like he’s in a video game. He’s the first to jump in the water and he will roll in anything–he doesn’t care whose ass it came from. When I feed him, he eats like he just got out of prison and if it’s thundering out, he will rip down an entire door frame. Floyd is nothing like Barney. He is, however, the cutest dog ever (that’s what it says on his dog tag) and I don’t know of a sweeter dog anywhere.

My girls are lucky to be growing up with Floyd. He’s big but he’s harmless. He’s by their side if they’re crying and under their feet when they’re eating. I have always said that Floyd is the best dog for your kid to meet if your kid is scared of dogs. If you’re still unsure, then don’t come over. Just kidding. You can come over. You even can ask me to put Floyd away, and I’ll do it because you’re the guest, but I won’t be happy about it–and neither will he. Keep reading this post »

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February 13th, 2011

You’re Not Alone

I’m not saying these are all about me. I’m just saying if you feel the same way, you’re not alone.

You’re not alone if…

…you tell your kid that your “ears are hurting”  because you want her to stop talking for one second of her life. Just one second. Of her life. ONE second with no talking. Please. I beg of you.

…you do a fun color on your toes when you get a pedicure, even if you feel you should stay conservative with the manicure. I keep the party on the bottom while my fingernails are all business. The mani/pedi is really the “Mullet of the Millenium.”

… you think it’s OK to let your dog sleep in the bed when your husband is watching TV in another room. You’re also not alone if you think it’s OK to  let your dog sleep in the bed when your husband is in the same room, and in the same bed. Keep reading this post »

6 Comments »

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A mom to one adopted kid, one bio kid and a stubby-tail Golden Retriever serves up a little bit of everything. Everything except food.

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