To my right was my phone, brimming with possibilities to kick off my day. The go-to though is always my text messages. I usually wake up to at least a few texts from various friends. They’re either ending a conversation from the night before or they send me something funny to wake up to.

Not today. 

This is the text I woke up to today:

Am I a Chris Cornell fan? Yes. Voice like velvet. Nothing like it. But am I a super fan? No. My friend who sent me the text though? She is. She is a SUPER FAN, and after I got over the initial shock that Chris Cornell (frontman for both Audioslave and Soungarden, with one of the most respected voices in rock—particularly 90’s grunge) was dead at only 52 years old, I felt sad for me and sick for my friend.

There are people who will never understand what it means to love someone you’ve never met, but part of why we love them is because we have never met them.

Meeting an idol who isn’t so interested in meeting you could potentially ruin everything, and that would suck. Most people don’t understand why I don’t want to meet Eminem, even though I have been a loyal fan for many years. I don’t want to meet him because he doesn’t want to meet me.

(He should, but whatever.)

I’m not looking to be an inconvenience to Eminem. And I don’t need to get a vibe from him that I am an inconvenience. That would not end well. I would be all “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? You don’t get to treat ME like that!” (And then I would push him a little bit.) “I’ve been through A LOT with you, my friend. And not only that but my kids (the younger one mostly) are completely along for the ride!!” And he would be like “Whatever, lady, you’re crazy!” which would only make me madder.

And then what?

And then I’m screwed. Because now I’ve got a bad taste in my mouth for someone I respected and admired for many, many years. No thanks. Unless Eminem wants to hang with us because HE wants to, I’m good with the way things are.

Still, if anything ever happens to him, I’ll want some answers. And that’s how my friend is feeling today. She lost her favorite and she doesn’t know why. She’s at a loss, and feeling a loss. And that is perhaps the hardest part of loving someone you don’t know.

We only know what we know, and even with everything we are given: lyrics, prose, news stories or whatever, we will never know everything.

So what do we do?

We go through the stages of grief like any other death. (But because we didn’t actually know the person, it’s usually at a faster pace and there’s no shiva.)

I am not professionally schooled on all the stages of death, but I do know the first stage is usually “WTF???” because we are in a state of shock. From there, we gradually move on to theories and conclusions, and then blame.

But really what we are looking for are reasons.

When it comes to death, we like reasons. We like knowing WHY something happened so A) we have a greater understanding and B) we can avoid it ourselves. Reasons help wrap things up; they give us closure so we can move towards acceptance.

But sometimes we don’t get reasons. We only get questions! And who knows? Maybe we’re not meant to know…? Maybe the “not knowing” is the final lesson or gift from our idol, so we learn to deal with this kind of loss?

UGH. That’s annoying, because what the HELL are we supposed to do with all the feelings we have?

I’ll tell you what we do: We take the day and we mourn. We mourn HARD. We mourn for someone we didn’t actually know, but still, someone we “knew.” We pay homage to a person we connected with on a level that is just too hard to explain, and most people won’t get anyway.

But some do! The ones who love as hard as we do, or if they don’t, they still understand that we do—those are the ones that will get it. They will understand the more you love, the harder it hurts. And they will get you through your “blackest” of days.

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Thanks for being here!

#FellOnBlackDays #ChrisCornell #RIP #Eminem #Idontwanttomeetyoueither

Marla took beautiful pictures of our family. She somehow managed to capture all four of our disparate personalities without losing our energy as a family. We didn’t dress any special way, we actually didn’t do anything special to get ready. We just showed up, and Marla worked her magic.

(That’s us)

As National Adoption month draws to a close, we are honored to showcase the following selection of photos by Marla Michelle Must. Enjoy!

“Adoption carries the added dimension of connection not only to your own tribe but beyond, widening the scope of what constitutes love, ties, and family. It is the larger embrace.”  ~Isabella Rossellini

“Little souls find their way to you, whether their from your womb or someone else’s.”  ~Sheryl Crow

“Family is not defined by our genes, it is built and maintained through love.”   ~Amalia G.

“However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle.”  ~Valerie Harper 

Admittedly, I didn’t hear him—I was preoccupied with whether or not I should buy Birthday Cake Gum (I did), but the cashier seemed pretty sincere in her recollection of the incident, so I felt bad for her. I told her “Forget that guy, he’s an idiot. You have me now!” And we laughed and I left.

But I saw him outside. He was on his phone and as I walked by, he said “Hi.” I thought of the upset cashier, and without even thinking, I pointed at him and said: “YOU WEREN’T NICE TO HER!”

I left that parking lot feeling satisfied, like I just pulled out the “Stopper” card.

That kind of closure doesn’t always come so easily though. Sometimes when we stand up to mean people—on behalf of ourselves or others— it doesn’t end the situation, it escalates it.

Like the one I was involved with today. That one didn’t wrap up quite as nicely.

I was coming close to ending a nice, leisurely walk with my dog, Bruno Marshall, and a car sped by us so fast, even Bruno got spooked (and he’s pretty chill):

I got scared, and then I got pissed. There is a private school in our neighborhood, and many of the drivers who drop off kids or work at the school are notorious for ignoring our street signs and speed limit. Sadly, I never get to shame them face-to-face because they’re too fast for me.

Today though (maybe because it’s Yom Kippur, I don’t know) I got a gift: The driver pulled into the private school, and it wasn’t far from where we were walking.

So Bruno and I decided to go too.

I knew I wasn’t going to be able to catch the driver (Bruno isn’t much for speed), I just figured I’d get the license plate info, call the PoPo, and bust her THAT way.

But I got held up.

A lady came out of the school, and it was clear she wasn’t happy to see us. I told her: “A silver SUV just pulled in and she almost hit us. I’m going to get her license plate number.”

She didn’t care why. She wanted no part of me, or my story. She could have been cool and said “I’m sorry you got scared. I don’t blame you. It sucks to ALMOST DIE.” but she didn’t.

Instead she said: “You CANNOT come walking in here with your DOG!” (Motioning to Bruno like he was stale bread.) “This is PRIVATE PROPERTY!”

I was shocked; truly incredulous. It was not at all the reaction I was expecting. She not only completely ignored my reason for being there, but she was really MEAN. Her reaction, her demeanor—everything: MEAN.

I said: “That lady almost hit us! If she hits someone—ANYONE— in this neighborhood, you’re gonna have a WHOLE LOT more to worry about than me BEING ON PRIVATE PROPERTY!”

To which she responded: “You are not allowed to be here. You are on private property and I’m calling the police!”

The POLICE? Really???

I don’t know if it’s because of the mean guy at the drug store, or because a girlfriend of mine recently GOT HIT by a car while walking her dog, or because I’m sick of mean people getting away with sh*t —but when that lady laid down her police “Stopper,” it became “Go Time” for me:

I stepped forward, looked her square in the face and said: “GOOD. Call them! I’m happy to tell them EXACTLY how I feel about what’s happening with your drivers here!”

She huffed her way back to the school leaving me and Bruno with some guy who was presumably there to “watch us.” He didn’t seem to know any English, but I could tell he felt bad for us—and also, I think he wanted to pet Bruno.

We stood outside, and we waited. I was ready to tell my story to the police, ready to stand on principle—not just for me, but for everyone in the neighborhood! But then, after about 5 minutes of waiting, I got bored. And then I felt kind of dumb just standing there, with my dog (who was lying down by this time)—so I yelled to the guy (who probably had no idea what I was saying): “Tell the mean lady I got sick of waiting! I’m going home to call the police myself!”

In a million years, I could have never predicted such an insane turn of events after such a nice walk, but now I was in the thick of it so I had to see it through.

I called the police and told the officer all about my experience with the bad driver and the mean lady. He understood why I was upset, and he dealt with me. We wrapped up with him promising to be more diligent about patrolling the hood during high traffic times, and I felt good about getting closure. Time to move on!

But then I got a call from the police station. It seems the mean lady called to complain that I was on their property with a dog. The officer relaying the message firmly stated that he was not angry, but he needed me to know the rules.

I felt bad because this was the second person from the police department spending time on this–­­-but if the mean lady had been open and nice, instead of mean and defensive, it never would have escalated to such a stressful, time consuming thing.

But she wasn’t nice, she was mean. My dog wasn’t a threat to her or anyone else, and she knew it. She just didn’t want to deal with the real issue, so she got mean and tried to scare me. And then, when things didn’t go her way, she called for “back-up.” Lame.

People who act like that do so because they have always gotten away with it. But that doesn’t make it OK. It’s not OK! It sucks.

I understand “being mean” as a defense, we’ve all been there, usually out of necessity—but to come out of the gate like that, for no reason? NO. That lady can EAT IT, and then she can get a room with the guy from the drug store. They belong together. Being mean is completely unproductive, and it leads to nowhere good.

Only niceness leads to somewhere good. If everyone were a little nicer, everyone would BE a little nicer. That’s how it works. Niceness spreads, it’s contagious— but in a good way—and the best thing about niceness is once it gets going, there is no “Stopper,” because there’s no need for one.

Thanks for being here!

If you know of anyone fun and nice, who might like DS&D, please send them our way!

XO, The DS&D Crew

At services, the Rabbi asked our congregation: “What do you want to do this year?”

There were a lot of responses, things like: 

“I want to get organized!”

“I want to try baseball!”

“I want to do better at math!”

All worthy goals, every one of them, positive and worthy. Not one person was like:

“I want to be passive aggressive!”

“I want to be unwelcoming!”

“I want to suck!”

Rosh Hashana isn’t about that. It’s not about bitterness. It’s about sweet things and new beginnings.

I’m kind of pissed at myself right now though, because our family has something we want to do this year (something really cool) and none of said anything.

When I asked my 9 year old daughter, F, if she wanted to shout it out, she wanted no part of it. I was bummed because the thing we want to do has a lot to do with F.

(Nose ring is fake. Tattoos aren’t. Just kidding.)

F is the Dim Sum side of Dim Sum and Doughnuts. She has also been a huge part of many of the DS&D decisions as of late. Unfortunately, I could feel the Rabbi wanting to move on, and I just didn’t have time to guilt her.

So, I moved on to JJ (the 7 year old).

I leaned into her and whispered “Do YOU want to announce what we want to do this year?” to which she replied “Mommy! I thought it was a SECRET!”

She was right, but I thought she might want to at least throw out a vague version since she, the Doughnuts side of DS&D, is also a HUGE part of it!

But, no.

Now, I’m just mad at myself. I had an opportunity, and I missed it—and I haven’t done that in awhile. Since March 23, 2016, right after I wrote Lose Yourself, I gave myself a 6 month goal to figure out what we should do with DS&D—and in those 6 months, I have taken advantage of, or at least looked into, every opportunity that has come our way.

I figured 6 months was a fair amount of time to figure out what I can do with Dim Sum and Doughnuts, since I have spent the last 5 years learning what I can’t do:

1. I can’t move out of state. That cut a lot of opportunities right off the bat. My husband, Cody, is one of the owners/directors at Camp Tanuga in northern Michigan and his job takes him away 5 months out of the year. He leaves in the middle of April and comes back in the middle of September. With the exception of 7-8 weeks during the summer, I’m alone with the girls during those months. If I move out of state to chase a job opportunity, and Cody is gone too, I can’t imagine our kids will continue going to school, eating vegetables, or showering.

2. I need to be in control. I’m not into someone editing our lives or my work without consent. A few years ago, we were approached about doing a reality show. The producer was surprised (and kind of annoyed) when I told her we weren’t interested in being on TV. She didn’t understand because, as she pointed out: “You put videos up of your kids all the time!” I replied “Yes, but I’m the one who decides what goes up, and I’m the one who decides how my kids are portrayed.” #SoThere

3. I still need to be able to do my promotional business. 20 years in that biz. I’m not giving that up. Whatever new I do, I still need to be able to do that too. (That rhymed.)

4. I need to make money. I like to work, and I like to make money—not gonna apologize for that. I come with a very basic Work Hard mentality:

Business before pleasure.

It means more if you EARN it.

Nothing worth having comes easy.

Money buys things, and things are fun. (I made that one up.)

5. I need to be the boss. I am horrible at working for people. I’ve tried it. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t stick with teaching, even though I loved it. I’m not good with industry politics. I’m too outspoken and opinionated. Whenever someone asks if I work at the overnight camp with my husband, I laugh because I could never work for Cody.

Him: This is what I need you to do:

Me: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!

Him:

6. Lastly: I need my kids to be a part of anything new I do. Definitely the hardest one because my kids are young and slave labor is illegal—but I know if I’m going to start working more than I already do, it will be more accepted by them if they have a part in it. With ownership comes interest.

My kids know Mommy needs to work or she will go crazy and lose her mind—but because of them, I have limitations. Big ones. I wasn’t giving up though: 6 months is what I gave myself, and 6 months was all I needed.

I set goals, I learned about social media, and I made new connections. I worked long hours and I tried new things. I thought of new business ideas all the time, but there were nagging issues attached to all of them. Nothing seemed to fit.

And then one day, it happened.

An idea was brought to my attention by someone very special to us. I loved it, and it fit PERFECTLY in so many ways, but I quickly dismissed it because it wasn’t like any of the other ideas I was tossing around. This idea requires an entirely new learning curve.

Shoot me.

But JJ was also there when the idea was brought up, and she was all over it. Jumping up and down all over the place: “That’s what we should do, Mama!! Let’s do THAT!!”

And, wouldn’t you know?  My mom was also there, right behind her, pushing me to at least consider the idea because—as she fondly remembers—it was something I always wanted to do when I was growing up.

Still, I laughed and blew it off.

But then it became like one of those guys you like ONLY as a friend, until you find out he likes you—and then you realize he’s actually really cute…

It was like that.

I kept turning and tossing the idea, but every time I tossed it, it came back to me.

Because it was the one.

Once the girls and I decided we wanted to actively pursue the idea, we still had one person holding us up: Cody. School had already started, but Cody was still living and working at camp. His job is one of those all-consuming type jobs so we decided to wait to share our idea until we could tell him in person. We wanted his undivided attention. We still had a few weeks before he moved home though.

Turns out we needed the extra time to get our ideas in order—but when it came time to present the idea to Cody, we were ready.

WE WERE READY.

JJ and I headed the discussion. F was allowed to participate, but only if she cleared it with us first. (We learned early on that F’s biggest concern about any new idea is whether or not it will include a disco ball—so we decided she might not be the best person to lead our presentation. Nothing against disco balls.)

We all said what we needed to say, and Cody liked the idea, a lot. In fact, every single person we approached, and trusted to be honest with us, liked the idea.

So here we are.

We have a lot of work to do (A LOT), but we are excited. I’m kicking myself for not announcing our news in temple when the Rabbi asked “What do you want to do this year?” but I’m very lucky to be able to do it here and now:

“We want to start a new business this year!”

New year; new beginnings. It will likely be a bit before we know if our idea is a “go” or not, because new businesses take time, but if we get the green light, you’ll be the first to know what we have come up with. And hopefully, you will be as excited as we are.

Dim Sum and Doughnuts wouldn’t be everything it is without the support, the likes, the comments, and the shares from you guys. You are all tribe (Jewish or not—we don’t care), and we wish all of you a sweet and Happy New Year.

We hope it’s filled with new things, good things and a solid answer to the question: “What do YOU want to do this year?”

Thank you for sticking with us! We are so grateful! If you think of anyone else who might be into a family brand about growing up, mistakes made and lessons learned, I hope you think of us.

XO,

The DS&D Crew

I don’t think so.

The items in my closet are like my friends. There’s history and memories, and just like with friends, it’s not always so easy to say “Good-bye.”

That’s probably why, when I go to clean out my closet, once a year, I always have trouble. I sift through the garments deciding what stays and what goes— and though I do consider the “one year rule,” I have my own set of rules as well:

1. The Pieces That No Longer Fit: The last time I cleaned out my closet, I sent one of my girlfriends a text message that said: “I don’t understand how my pants have gotten shorter, but I haven’t gotten taller. WTF???”  She explained that our bodies change as we age. I wanted no part of that answer, so I decided to ignore her and keep everything. 

But she’s right. Time to let go and move on because Once the body shifts, the pants no longer fit. Donate or consign, and treasure the memories. The empty hangers eventually will be filled with new pieces that fit better and someone else will benefit from the ones that don’t.

2. The Retro and Vintage Pieces: These are the “friends who are family” pieces. I’m not so quick to ditch these goodies because as long as they still fit, they can be used at any given time. I have stuff that’s over 25 years old, maybe more! I like to mix sh*t up so who’s to say I won’t come back to something? Many of my “vintage” pieces don’t have a place in my life today, but they might one day—if not for me, for my girls.  Sorry, “one year” rule, they’re staying.

3. The Loyalty Pieces: These are the relics; the school, camp, sports team and concert tee’s collected over the years. I still have an Ohio State sweatshirt from my first year at college, but all of my sorority tee’s are gone. I didn’t really care until I was on a girl’s trip recently, and we went back to our sorority house. The minute we walked up those steps to the front door, a million memories came flooding back. We went through the house yelling “Man On Floor!” reminiscing and laughing, and I found myself wishing, for just a minute, that we could go back to those days—(minus Hell Week, that sucked). Lucky for me, there was a Lost and Found box in the foyer of the house, and we were on the “FOUND” side. I got this:

Thanks for being too tired or hung over to remember your stuff, sistahs!  #GoBucks

4. The “In The Moment” Pieces: These are the items that seemed like a good idea at the time—and I fall for these pieces every time.When we were in China, I bought a ton of stuff, including these shoes:

I have never worn these shoes a day in my life, but I also can’t part with them. They were part of our adoption journey and parenting story. Tough call on these kinds of pieces because of the memories. I usually keep a lot of of it, but I also find plenty to donate or consign as well.

5. The Toxic Pieces: Ew. NO. These are the items that bring back bad memories or hurt feelings. Why someone would insist on hanging onto that sh*t, I’ll never know. Donate, consign, burn. Pick one. That kind of energy will eventually infect everything in your closet. Box it up and move it out. If not out of your life, at least out of your closet. #ByeFelicia

6. The Pieces That Just Don’t Look Good On You: These items are a killer, because they were bought with love, and intention. We want so badly to look good in these pieces, but we don’t. Wrong color, style, neckline—whatever it is, it’s not working. “But I LOVE IT, and I spent a lot on it!!” I know. I get it. It’s not happening though. I usually leave these pieces in my closet until I get sick of feeling guilty for what I spent (or sick of looking at them) and then I let them go so they can have a different life with someone else.

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A lot can happen in a year; it’s normal to grow out of things. Many of the pieces in our closet come with a lot more than a price tag, so the process of purging can be an emotional one. Some prefer to tackle the job solo, while others like to do it with a trusted friend, or stylist, who can help determine what is needed to fill in the blanks, without repeating expensive mistakes. Either way, whether we donate or consign the pieces that no longer work for us—we make room for things that do, while starting a new story for someone else.

On Sept 17th, 2016, The ladies from Styleshack and the crew from  Dim Sum and Doughnuts are hosting a Fall Fashion Pop Up event at 135 N. Old Woodward in Birmingham, Michigan. There will be a “Kid’s Corner” at the event to keep your kids busy while you browse local boutiques, specialty stores and national designers for men and women. Bring any gently used clothes and accessories for Dress For Success or Threads for Teens, or just come by to shop or support! 

New Season. Fresh Start!

I have been thinking about this post for months, trying to come up with the salient points of turning 45, because it’s important to me. This blog is eventually for my daughters so I want to make sure I pass down good info. The thing is, 45 isn’t a super significant age. There aren’t any fun cards or gag gifts—all that glory goes to 40 and 50. The age of 45 is a different kind of special: It’s the age in the middle.

At least to me it is. To me, 45 was always “middle age.” Everyone has their own “middle age,” but to me, it’s 45. I can’t really see myself living past 90, so 45 is my middle—and unless there is a pain pill that takes care of EVERYTHING, I’m OK with 90 being the end. You will say you know a lady who is 100, and she looks amazing. She walks three miles a day, in stilettos, and I believe you—and that’s awesome, for her.

For me, I’m good with 90. And if I really do make it that far, I’m (right now) literally and metaphorically, in the very middle of my life—and my story. Seems like a pretty good time to take stock and pass down some stuff:

1. The best laid plans do not matter. What will happen is going to happen.

If you were to ask me 20 years ago where I’d be today, I don’t know what my answer would be, but I can tell you I wouldn’t have guessed I’d be married to a camp director, living at an overnight camp full of kids, with two kids of my own. The fact that I’m a mom to two kids with hundreds more, on loan, every summer is crazy to me. And living at an overnight camp? I always thought I’d end up in a big city somewhere, maybe one with a nice park, but a camp? No. Oh, and one of my kids is from China? Whaaaaaaaat??

But that’s how it goes. You never know where life is going to take you. It’s all part of the story, and we all have one.

2. Whoever said “It’s all about the balance” wasn’t just kidding:

If you have parents who are still alive, and a family of your own, you’re a part of the Sandwich Generation. We’re in between our parents and our family. We’re still bound by loyalty (and sometimes guilt) to our parents, but we’re also responsible for the happiness and welfare of our own families.

It’s a struggle to find balance with family and extended family. It’s also a struggle to find balance with work and our own families. And by “work” I mean stay-at-home-moms too. Of all my professions, the profession of “Mom” is the hardest, and the biggest time suck. When you are a mom, there is always something that needs to be done, answered, cleaned, fixed, scheduled or re-done.

No matter the profession though, something will always “need to be done.” It’s hard to walk away from work, even when spending time with family is (usually) so much more preferable. It’s just not always easy, especially if you’re ambitious.

Am I spending enough time with my kids?

Will they be lacking anything because I work?

Are they going to complain one day that I worked too much?

Who knows? But on the flip side they will see you as a positive role model and for some, myself included, I’m a better parent because I have other professions besides the “Mom” one. If that was my only job, my kids would be even more off the wall than they already are, because I would be too.

It’s the same with money. Balance is where it’s at. Our instinct is to want to spend ALL of our money (well, mine is) because buying things is the BEST, but we also know we need to save. It is for our future and our kids’ future, and it’s important. (Still sucks though.)

The eating thing? Yep, balance. As we age, our metabolism slows down and that sucks just as much as saving money. It means we either need to work out more, or eat less. Eating less is boring (BOOOO!), but as responsibilities pile up, it’s harder to find time to exercise. For me, my body is so beat up from years of crazy work-outs, I can’t do the same exercises I used to do. There‘s too much pain involved now. For those of us in this position, we live in a constant struggle of finding balance between eating and exercise—especially when dessert is served.

3. You start to care less about things you couldn’t care less about:

“Not caring” as we get older is more of a time issue than anything else. It’s hard to care about all the things we used to have time for, because we don’t have as much time to give. Stupid things become stupider when there are so many bigger, more important things to deal with. I love to hear about the drama in my friends’ lives or my kids’ lives, but in my own, once it goes from entertaining to time consuming, I gots to go, yo.

4. You learn how to accommodate and maintain in the truest sense of the words:

People are like cars. After a certain amount of wear and tear, s**t starts to break down and anything that isn’t broken needs to be maintained. That means doctor appointments—so many doctor appointments. Some are preventative, and some are for new (and inconvenient) issues. Crazy stuff starts to happen as we age and we have to accommodate it, because if we don’t, it will just mean bigger problems later.

But it’s so much work! Every day it’s something new! “Flo” pretty much comes whenever she wants, I can’t look at my forehead without thinking I could teach my kids Cursive between all the lines, and if my back and shoulder pain weren’t enough, there’s a new pain in my foot which the doc says is basically just something I will have to learn to live with. AWESOME! Actually, it’s kind of starting in my other foot too. Oh well, at least there’s one thing in my life that will be balanced!

5. You’re going to be busy.

You’re going to be busy no matter what age you are. We’re all busy. Your schedule will get exponentially busier if you have kids and a job outside the home, but no matter what age you are, you will be busy. Your friends will also be busy, so when one of them texts, apologizing for not getting back to you right away because she’s SO busy, it’s understandable you’d want to respond by saying “Who isn’t?” because it’s true.

6. You start to recognize your place in this life.

When we were younger, we had more time and fewer responsibilities. That usually changes over the years, but for many of us, at this age, it’s ON. New stuff, bad stuff, good stuff—it’s all happening. There will come a day though, when we aren‘t as busy. One day, many years from now, things will settle down and our responsibilities will change.

I will be ready when that day comes, and I plan to enjoy every minute because I know I will have earned it: I’m going to binge watch TV with all my friends (who are still alive), I’m going to take EVERY drug I never tried just to see what the hype is about, and I’m going to stuff my face with heavily frosted cakes and cheeseburgers until my husband takes them away or I go into a coma.

But that’s not for awhile, so until then, (as my dad used to say) I will “keep on keepin’ on.” I have lived too much of my life to start over, and I’m not even close to being done. I’m in the middle, right where I’m supposed to be.

Thank you for being here! 

1. What kind of cleanse is it? Is it a juice cleanse? I didn’t do a juice cleanse. I need food. I did one with shakes for some meals and healthy food for others. I didn’t even like juice. I drank only water, lots of water.

2. What’s left after you take away gluten, dairy, sugar, coffee and alcohol? Nothing. Just kidding. There are food lists, shake and meal recipes that come with a reputable cleanse.  I figured out how to make a few things and basically made them over and over. I don’t like (or know how) to cook so I ate a lot of chicken, vegetables, berries and nuts. The shakes I made always had fruit, almond milk and the cleanse powder. Repetitive food choices were easiest for me to manage. For people who enjoy cooking, there are lots of possibilities.

3. Why are you doing a cleanse? I’m a sugar addict. That’s a thing, sugar addiction. For the most part, I’m a functioning sugar addict: I’m usually pretty disciplined about the amount of crap I eat each day, but there are days—too many days—when I am completely out of control. Imagine Charlie Sheen loose at the Playboy mansion. That’s me, but in a bakery.

And that would be fine if too much sugar wasn’t bad for you, but it is.

I have to work out twice as much to offset the amount of sugar I ingest. And I hate working out. Plus, I have two jobs, two kids and no partner right now. I don’t have time to add on another work out.  I can’t even fit in the ones I’m supposed to do!

I was starting to feel like crap. It was time to clean house.

4. Did you experience actual “detox” side effects? I wasn’t rocking in the corner swatting at flies that didn’t exist, but I did suffer from headaches the first few days. I also was kind of shaky, and annoyed by everything. (More than usual.)

5. How long do the side effects last? For me, I stopped wanting to punch people around halfway through the journey: “Through the door by Day 4.”

6.Did you lose weight? I actually didn’t do the cleanse to lose weight. I knew this would be a question though so I weighed myself on the day I started, once during the cleanse, and once at the end.  I lost 3 pounds. That being said, the only way to maintain any kind of weight loss (I don’t care if it’s 3 pounds or 300) is to maintain healthy eating habits.

7. What didn’t you like about the cleanse? I missed going out socially. For me, hanging with friends usually revolves around food or coffee. On one of the days, I met a girlfriend for coffee and I couldn’t have any. The social aspect was hard for me. I missed meeting people for lunch because I was “detoxing.” I missed my friends.

8. What did you love about the cleanse? I loved not feeling like I had to workout as much. I wasn’t eating as much—and virtually no sugar— so I didn’t feel the pressure to exercise as much. I also loved feeling proud. I was SO proud. I broke an addiction. I WAS CRAP FREE! I wasn’t putting any crap into my body, and anything that was already in there, was coming out.

9. Do you spend a lot of time in the bathroom? For me it was Day 4. Day 4 was when a lot of brown decided to leave town.

10. Is it true you sleep better? Does your skin get brighter? I have heard those things happen, but I didn’t notice a difference for either one. I did wake up every morning feeling good though. That was nice.

11. Did you ever want to quit? Yes. YES. Towards the end, the last 2 days, I wanted OUT at every breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was so over it. I had to tell myself “Finish what you started, girl!” on more than one occasion.  (I even said it out loud a few times, in a scolding “mom” voice, to myself.)

12. Did you do it alone? I wanted to do it with one of my friends, but I didn’t know for sure if he was going to do it. I got scared it would be Day 1 and I’d be alone, so I got a detox coach, Nikki. (Real name, she said I could.) She was hard on me, but she was good. I had questions in the beginning so it was nice to have someone to go to for confirmation or encouragement.

And it wasn’t just Nikki! One of the people from the Dim Sum and Doughnuts community unexpectedly jumped on board, so not only did I have a coach, I had a partner too! I absolutely recommend doing any kind of cleanse with someone. It’s an intense experience, and for me, intense experiences are always better when shared. Ain’t no bond like a detox bond!

13. Were there triggers? So many! Triggers SUCK! They’re so hard. It also didn’t help that I am an idiot. I totally forgot that I promised my kid she could get her ears pierced, so the day AFTER I started the cleanse, when I was flat-out detoxing, I was at the mall. THE MALL.

There’s food everywhere at the mall. Fun, yummy smelling food, like cookies! It was horrible. And then, the next day, I had to go to the grocery store. That was hard because I always steal some of the chocolate covered raisins from the bulk food area (don’t tell anyone). Also, I had to get something for a party from the bakery area and no one was there.

There I was, jumping around in front of the counter trying to ignore all the cakes and cupcakes and frosting. It wasn’t fun. Then, as if on cue, someone walking by who knew I was doing the cleanse was all: Hey you!! How’s your cleanse going? And I was all: If someone doesn’t come soon and get me what I need, I’m going to get ALL KINDS OF CRAZY UP IN HERE is how the cleanse is going!!

14. Did you cheat at all? A little bit, yes. I read that you’re not supposed to have any bananas during a Cleanse, but I couldn’t accept that so I asked my coach. She said “No” to the banana but I chose to pretend she didn’t. I needed some banana for the shakes. I tried it without, but I just couldn’t do it, so I put some in my shake every morning. Sorry, Cleanse! I also had six chocolate covered cherries a day—sometimes nine.

15. Did you learn anything? (No one actually asked that, but I’m adding it anyway.) I learned how much I really need to eat each day and I learned I have the power to say “NO,” even when I really want to say “YES.” I learned a craving is when you NEED IT RIGHT NOW, and actual hunger is when you’re open to many foods.

16. What would you do differently? I would plan ahead to stay clear of triggers on Days 1-3. I thought I planned pretty well, but that trip to the mall was a killer. Walking by the cookies and brownies and ice cream at prime snack time, no thanks.

17. Would you do it again? I’m sure I will do it again. The love affair I have with baked goods can get toxic at times, but it’s a love I’m not willing to give up. Dessert makes me happy, I just need to manage my love for it. I now know I have the power to do that. And if (when) I lose my balance again, I know how to clean myself up—but not today. Today there’s leftover cake in my house, and it has buttercream frosting. My favorite.

Thanks for being here! I hope this helps!

That’s probably why my brother’s friend was so intriguing with his tattoos and his cool, leather jacket. I had never met anyone like him—and though home wasn’t really my hang out during those years—on the days he was coming by, I somehow managed to be there.

I didn’t meet up with another Marine until I was in my 20’s. I was in college, waiting tables in Columbus, Ohio and he was the bar back. I loved him. I loved him before we even spoke. I didn’t care what he had to say: He was a Marine and, to me, that meant he was a bad ass and I loved him.

We only dated briefly, but the impression he left is still with me. He was a protector. He protected a nation, and when he wasn’t doing that, he was protecting me (and with my mouth, that is sometimes necessary). He was in the Reserves when we met, so he came and went, but every time he had to go, I sent him off feeling proud.

There was no war going on at that time, but I knew his work was important. As civilians, we can protest all day long, but if the people in charge decide we’re going to war, we’re going to war. And even if we’re not, we need to be safeguarded.

Not everyone is cut out to guard though. We all have different strengths. The armed forces pull a special kind of person, a person who is built for that culture and lifestyle. (Not me though. This would be me):

Still, I have nothing but respect and admiration for those who serve and protect, and so do my kids.

My kids are fortunate. They have people in their life that are not only members of the military, but they are also “family.” And these guys…they are for real. They would fight for and protect my girls the same way they do their country. Not going to lie, sometimes I almost WANT someone to mess with my kids so we can show them what’s UP, yo.

But my girls don’t think like that. They just know they are loved by very special people who also happen to be members of the armed forces—and they love back with the same enamor I once felt, and still do.

Military officers don’t play concerts and they don’t star in TV shows. They are celebrities of a different kind. While their skills and abilities are on the front lines, they usually remain behind the scenes.

We can get to them though. And we want to. We want to let the brave men and women fighting for our safety know they’re not being overlooked or undervalued. We want to tell them we are grateful for what they do.

But we can’t do it alone.

So we came up with an idea. It’s for anyone, even kids—especially kids. Our idea is fun and easy, but most of all, it’s meaningful. It will connect kids with members of the military, and it will put a smile on the faces of unsung heroes. It only takes 5 minutes, but the memory will be there for much longer.

The 1 minute video that goes with our campaign can be found on our Dim Sum and Doughnuts Facebook page: http://bit.ly/1XOVXVR

Check it out! If you like what we’re doing and believe in our cause, please accept our mission and share with your squad.

Thank you for being here! Go to the link or drop and give me 20!

…As you were.

On March 23, 2016 we came out with the post Lose Yourself. It was an announcement post of sorts: We decided as a family we were going to take a shot at branding Dim Sum and Doughnuts.

It’s been almost 2 months and I have learned so much. My daughters, who the blog is named and written for,

are right there with me. We are learning about time management, social media promotion, work ethic and integrity. We are learning a new business. (They are also handing out pens, cards and chip clips to anyone who wants one.) My husband is at camp, getting everything ready, but he somehow manages to take care of business when we need him, no matter how busy he is.

And then there’s you guys. No one would even know who the hell we are, or what we’re trying to do, if it weren’t for you guys.

You are the ones taking the time to read, comment and “like” the posts. That means everything. When you read something and you share it, that means everything and more because that’s how we grow. You’re bringing awareness to Dim Sum and Doughnuts, which helps us bring awareness to so many other things: Good things, positive things, things that deserve attention.

Truth be told, had I REALLY known what was going to be involved with taking Dim Sum and Doughnuts to the next level, I probably wouldn’t have done it. I already have a job. And kids. And camp. I didn’t realize what I would be taking on. I just thought I’d be writing. Nope.

But that’s how it goes. Anything worth something means hard work.

And we’re working hard.

Thank you to everyone who has shared or invited friends to the Facebook page. We know who you are. The Facebook page is like our house and every time someone new shows up, we are happy to have them. Parties are fun, but even better with friends.

And speaking of friends, thank you everyone who is part of the Facebook page. Many of you I have never even met in real life, but that page is a party because of you. Posts don’t get shown in the Facebook newsfeed unless people “like,” comment or share—and you guys are the ones keeping it afloat, and keeping it fun.

Thank you for sharing the blog posts. You’re helping to promote what we believe in, and you’re showing us that you appreciate what we have to say, whether you agree or not.

The blog subscribers: You guys are getting the posts in your email before anyone else, so you’re the first to decide if it’s good or not. If the blog is the heart of Dim Sum and Doughnuts, you’re the life support. Thank you for your loyalty. It does not go unnoticed.

If you follow us on Instagram— #weloveyou #welovehashtags #wethinkwearefunny

Twitter is still a little sketchy, but we are working on how to use it for more than just stalking @Eminem and yelling at hip hop artists who ignore us.

We recently discovered Snapchat and we can’t figure out how we have lived without its total and utter ridiculousness for so long.

Thank you to the haters, non-supporters and non-believers: We use you as fuel to keep us going and you’re the ones we would strive to prove wrong— if we cared. #byefelicia

Thank you for the positive feedback, it’s what keeps us going.

Thank you for the negative feedback, it’s what keeps us learning.

A very wise author once wrote “You never know what you’re going to get with Dim Sum and Doughnuts: Sometimes controversial, sometimes comedic, but always a voice that’s powerfully honest and entertaining. “

We try to live up to those words every time we post, as we only want to give you something worth reading and sharing.

And lastly, thank you for being on this ride. We hope you stick with us as we find our way—and if you’re having as much fun as we are, please consider telling some of the people in your life who are also looking to promote positive things, make mistakes and have SUM fun.

Love,

The Dim Sum and Doughnuts Crew

Danielle and I never came up with a name for this game but this is what we did:

We had both of our 5 year old girls draw pictures from a movie (anything but FROZEN…please, not Frozen) and our job was to guess the movie. This is what Danielle’s daughter drew:

And this was my guess:

Cinderella. See the door? That’s Cinderella on one side of the door and that’s the wicked step-mom on the other, making her stay there while that one guy came to have everyone try on the glass slipper. And the little orange guy by Cinderella’s feet? He is one of the mice, definitely Jacques.

Whaduhya think? Do you have a different guess? If you want, you can share it in the Comments section (just for fun) and then hop over to Martinis and Minivans  in order to find out the answer!…And while you’re there, you can check out the picture that JJ did for Danielle. …Do you want to check it out first or should I just tell you what it is? (I’ll hold here if you want to check it out first.)

Ready?

It’s a Minion from “Despicable Me.” But you already knew that. I mean, how could you not? There really are no words for the precision and accuracy. It truly is an aesthetic masterpiece.

OK. I couldn’t tell either.

I hope you guys have a good day because Mondays sometimes blow. “Mailbag Monday” will be back next week so start thinking of goooooooood topics and questions, yo! And if you’re new to Dim Sum and Doughnuts, thank you for stopping by and I hope you come back. We have fun over here (well, I do)—and you’re welcome to bring your martini!

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