Comments on: Dissecting The Mean Girl

By: Robyn

Robyn — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 19:50:46 +0000

In reply to lies.

Hi lies. I enjoyed your story AND I don’t think you were being mean. I think you were being “her” version of mean. You were telling her the real deal. If that was mean, it’s only because she didn’t want to hear it, and who knows? Maybe at that time, she didn’t. I’m no expert, but I have found that when people don’t want hear things, it’s because they already know they are true. Either way, it’s so nice that you guys are now working from an honest place. When that happens it’s the best because everything from here on out will be real, and that is good stuff.
So happy you sent in a comment. Loved it. 🙂

By: lies

lies — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 14:54:24 +0000

I was called mean a good few years ago in college. And it didn´t bother me at all. Because I had been the one who sucked it all up for way to long and had made the concious decision not to be a doormat at college and kind of reinvented that part of me (faking it for a large part).
I called out someone on her flaws she tried to hide. We were given several assignments to do as a group. We divided the assignments and reviewed each others work. At one point one of them did not make the deadline we had set up. I am okay with that, these things happen. But what I resented were the crappy excuses. I was talking to the person one to one and she said she had been given to much work. I told her she wasn´t given the work, she took on the work by her own request. She claimed it turned out to be more work then she had expected. I told her she had had a week to come to that conclusion. Why didn´t she come to us sooner, so we could have made a new plan or a new deadline? I told her her reasons might be valid, but that there was no excuse to wait until the last minute to tell us the work wasn´t done. She knew I was right. She also knew that I knew she hadn´t been working on the assignment as much as she had needed to (this is a case of ´it takes one to know one`LOL). She looked me in the face and said: ´You are mean!` I was flabbergasted and smiled: ´maybe, but I am also right and you know it.´ She walked away and the next day we as a group came to a new deadline and in the end we had excellent grades for our work. And she and I enjoyed working with eachother throughout the years. Because she knew she could count on me being mean to keep her on her toes. And vice versa.

By: Robyn

Robyn — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 13:39:33 +0000

In reply to Jeri. Hi Jer!!! I'm so happy you commented. You always have wise things to say. I actually think that is a main reason why you're still in my life after all these years (15 to be exact). I wish you weren't so far away but your words and your love travel. They travel no matter where are you and I thank you for sending them my way. You are truly such a special person, and I wish there were more like you. But since there aren't, I'm very, very lucky to have you.

By: Jeri

Jeri — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 13:00:38 +0000

Rob,

I think we can all have signs and symptoms of ‘mean girl’ in us. Is it habitual — some no – some YES…lol — Some of us are definitely mean in response — I find I can be mean in snippy snippy ways I respond to friends and family. Do I do it purposely, ummmm – sometimes! (LOL) – it depends on to whom I’m addressing…

Sometimes dumb just doesn’t get it unless you’re mean…Oh wait – THAT was mean – lol – I was never mean in school – i was the quiet – shy (yep truly) one that just went with the flow – somewhere along the way — I started helping ‘the flow’ to go – lol —

I absolutely know you aren’t a mean girl – I mean…WHAT mean girl would have so many friends who love and adore her – and NO mean girl – could put pen to paper (or fingers to blog) and write with such joy and fun for all to share.

Miss you — alot! Reading your blog brings our friendship back to my heart….

By: Robyn

Robyn — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 00:18:47 +0000

In reply to Rachel Handloff.

Rach!!! I’m so excited to hear from you! Cody and I always say that you are a good mom for girls, and a great resource for me. I will be getting that book. I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear from you and I’m honored that you liked the post. It’s one of those subjects that never goes away so I thought it would be good for the girls to have it down the road. I hope you guys are great and we miss you…

By: Robyn

Robyn — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 00:11:18 +0000

In reply to Hazel M. Wheeler.

Hi Hazel! I’m with you. I feel you. It’s such a fine line. Do we get real with our friends and lay it down, or do we keep things surface and clean? I believe we can get down and dirty with our real friends, and that is what makes them real friends. I also believe (and this is recent) that with the ones who we KNOW aren’t our real good friends, we should let their $hit go. I’m not saying that they’re not worth it, but they’re kind of not. Why bother? And, if the real ones can’t take it, then sadly, they’re not the real ones–or maybe they are, but they just can’t take it. I don’t know, it’s all so hard…!!!

Love hearing from you. You know I do. I’m going to read your post now! 🙂

By: Robyn

Robyn — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 00:06:47 +0000

In reply to Carmel.

Hi Carmel! Isn’t it funny how we become more conscious of our behavior once it’s brought to our attention? You’re not mean. I don’t get that vibe from you at all, though I’ve never actually met you. Besides, your name is too delicious for you to be mean. I’m happy you liked the post though, thank you. Please tell Anthony that he is the best and I miss him. I really appreciate you chiming in. You’re the best 🙂

By: Rachel Handloff

Rachel Handloff — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 00:04:17 +0000

Hey Rob,
Loved your take on Mean Girls. I read a really interesting book last year for parent book club at school called Little Girls Can be Mean: How to Bully-Proof girls in the early grades. It is a great resource for Moms of daughters. It lays out a plan for observing, connecting, and guiding your daughters, It encourages parents to raise girls who are assertive but not aggressive. Your blog often makes me laugh out loud. Keep it up.

By: Hazel M. Wheeler

Hazel M. Wheeler — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 21:18:42 +0000

Forgive me: my brain is working overtime on Lola’s term of “twatwaffle”. Best descriptive expletive I’ve seen in a while! And kudos to Lola for actually apologizing. There’s someone in my life who went both barrels on me years ago, knows they were wrong and has never apologized. (and she’s not the Queen of England either..why do people act like royalty when there is no crown on their heads?)

I liked this post because I’ve recently been challenged with a “do I do the ‘mean’ thing and speak truth about a situation, or do I pretend that this is not the seventh ring of hell?” Recently a whole slew of misunderstandings ensued because there were a few of us women all wanting to protect each other and “be nice”. I think that there is ‘mean’ out there, certainly, but there’s also a bit of toughening up which is necessary if we aren’t going to end up being mean to each other at some point. We shouldn’t all be working off the assumption that we’re all fragile little dolls. Before the niceness builds up and fractures from stress and then the ‘could-be-considered mean’ comes out. Sometimes, it’s difficult to know how much someone can handle, how much to address something that feels beyond one’s control and when to let go and decide that it’s someone else’s mess–they can clean it up.

Just to add to your idea: “If you can’t handle the truth it’s best you ask another friend the question.” I recently wrote a post on asking/giving advice, and yes, asking another friend the question is a great idea. But if you keep getting the same unwanted-truth opinion, maybe it’s time for therapy…

By: Carmel

Carmel — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 21:15:09 +0000

Very thought provoking post Robyn – am I a mean girl? I can certainly say things in a mean way to people but it is normally on the defensive (I hope). I’m trying to teach my 14 year old daughter that sometimes its the tone of voice that comes across as mean. Btw you’re not mean – in Anthony’s words “oh she’s sooooooo nice”