It occurred to me the other day that life is pretty much a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Except in life you have to be smart. You have to be smart about the choices you make because unlike the numerous lives you get in the Choose Your Own Adventure books, in real life you only get one.

I haven’t always made the right choices. Like most people, when I was a teen and in my 20’s I thought I was invincible. My first thought about almost every adventure was “That sounds fun!” usually followed by “What’s the worst that can happen?”

(Sign from Chunky Armadillo in Columbus, Ohio)

That kind of mentality led me to do some dumb ass stuff, but as I have gotten older I have become more discerning about the adventures I take and the choices I make. That’s because now I have a husband and two daughters and a dog, Bruno Marshall. And they depend on me. And that is sometimes hard, because it’s limiting.

When you have a family, you don’t get to do everything you want to do anymore. You have responsibilities — and the more kids/pets you have, the more responsible you have to be! Your ass isn’t doing any kind of adventure without either including them or planning for their care.

My problem is that I still want to do every adventure that is presented to me (except sleeping in a tent or going on a roller coaster) and I can’t. It’s just not the right time. I have gotten better over the years about knowing my current limitations (or my husband reminds me) but every once in a while I still need to be reigned in.

It’s also about being in the right place. New adventures are for maintaining or growing something that is already in good shape, not for fixing something that is broken. For instance, having or adopting a child in order to “save” a relationship is not something I’d suggest. Adoption is a LOT of work. And the work certainly doesn’t END when you actually get the kid.  Kids are work. If anything, that’s the last thing I’d want to do with someone I wasn’t into.

Screw that noise.

But if you’re in the right place, and it’s the right time — then there’s nothing better than a new adventure.

And that’s where we are right now.

Dim Sum and Doughnuts was never supposed to be anything more than a series of empowering posts for my girls to have when they get older. The posts are from me, to them, about growing up, making mistakes and lessons I have learned. But because of all of the support and loyalty we have experienced over the years, it has become so much more.

Dim Sum and Doughnuts has become a brand — not a huge brand, but a brand that is exactly the size we need and want it to be. It’s a manageable brand filled with fun, smart, warm people we actually know and love, or people we “know” and love from afar.

And we’re adding on:

Opening this fall, 2017, Sum Girls Boutique will be a higher end consignment boutique with (very) gently worn and new wearables, accessories and gifts for tweens, teens and adult ladies. A family business inspired by the Dim Sum and Doughnuts blog, Sum Girls Boutique will be located in the very hip, up-and-coming downtown area of Berkley, Michigan.

But what’s so special about Sum Girls Boutique?

Glad you asked:

* Many of the items we carry will be gently worn, so we are recycling which is good for the environment.

* We are going to fill a need by offering an alternative shopping experience to tweens, teens and adult ladies who want nicer clothes and accessories, but can’t (or won’t) pay retail prices.

* We are going to donate any items that don’t sell or aren’t picked up within the allotted time period (60 days) to charitable organizations like Threads for Teens or Alternatives for Girls. We will also donate to homeless shelters and safe havens for women and children.

* We are going to help empower girls and ladies by building confidence through style.

* We will work to bring new people and more business to the downtown Berkley area.

* We will promote other worthy and/or supportive brands, stores, charities, events and disabilities.

* We will provide a warm and whimsical setting that will be inviting to anyone who walks through the door (as long as they are cool to us as well). And we promise not to make the place SO girly that a guy won’t feel comfortable coming in to buy a gift. (No guys will want to barf when they walk in! We are ON that.)

We are also on brand new social media pages on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter under Sum Girls Boutique!

And we are having the best time on Snapchat under “dimsumanddoughn.” 

So, what do you think? Sound like fun?

Come on!

What’s the worst that can happen?

#SumGirlsBoutique #BerkleyMI #LetsDoThis

XO, The Dim Sum & Doughnuts Crew

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Every morning I walk my dog, Bruno Marshall, around the neighborhood.

We live in a neighborhood where the houses are far apart and the streets are usually free from cars, unless someone is throwing a party. The speed limit is 25, but there’s a lot of space and the streets are long so many people think the speed limit is negotiable.

Well, it’s not.

I am never more self righteous than when some idiot is speeding in my hood. When Bruno and I are walking and this happens, I always put my hand up LIKE A BAD ASS BEYOTCH to get their attention. From there, they either slow down from shame, or they think “screw her” and keep going.

Yesterday, some guy came FLYING around the corner and, as usual, I did my thing. He slowed down instantly (You know he did!) and then he gave me the thumbs up sign as he drove by.

It got me thinking about how lucky I am to be living in a neighborhood where a driver gives me the thumbs up sign, because some neighborhoods aren’t like that. There are some neighborhoods where I might get the middle finger or, even worse, the barrel of a gun.

That sh*t happens. It does. I should probably be more careful about scolding random drivers, but I can’t help it. (Plus, it’s the only time all day that I’m completely 100% positive that I’m in the right and I don’t want to waste it.)

As Bruno and I walked, I thought about the at-risk kids I used to work with. I remembered the neighborhoods where they grew up and how, if I lived there, I probably wouldn’t be so quick to shame every driver that went over the speed limit. Those neighborhoods were tough and a cap in your ass is no way to start the day.

The kids I worked with didn’t choose to grow up in that environment, they were born into it. I always had trouble with that: the unfairness of it all. In fact, working with those kids was undoubtedly a main motivator for us to adopt a child. Get a child out of one environment and into a better one. Win-Win.

Now that I have two kids of my own, I want them to be aware that there are other kids who aren’t as fortunate as them.

We frequently discuss the different kinds of lives that other kids lead. It’s important for us to have that dialogue, especially because my older one hails from less desirable conditions than those she is used to now.

She doesn’t care though. She’s very busy and can’t be bothered right now, but hopefully one day she will get it. Hopefully they both will. In the meantime, here’s our starting point:

That’s a Tzedakah box (pronounced tse-dock-ah). My younger daughter made it when she was in pre-school. It’s used to hold change for charity. Tzedhakah is a Hebrew word meaning justice or righteousness but commonly used to signify charity. If you grew up in the 70’s (and you’re Jewish) you’re probably familiar with this one:

Anyone can have a Tzedakah box though. You don’t have to be Jewish and it doesn’t have to look any certain way. It doesn’t even have to be called a Tzedakah box (but “Tzedakah” is fun to say). My daughter’s Tzedakah box currently has .06 in it, and a flower sticker. I don’t think she’s going to be changing any lives with her broke ass Tzedakah box, but it’s a start.

There are no rules when it comes to getting kids involved with charity, but if I had to come up with a few (besides the Tzedakah box) it would be these two:

Pick a charity that means something to you.

We are usually drawn to children’s charities. Working with at-risk kids was good for me until I got bogged down with kids of my own. When I met my husband, I got lucky that he was on the board of The Bear Hug Foundation because it became part of my life as well. The BHF sends underprivileged, at-risk and special needs kids to camp. (And I can tell you, first hand, that there is NOTHING like watching a kid who would never normally get to go to camp experience that kind of magic.) Watching kids who live an otherwise fearful life, smiling and laughing in a safe and happy environment—there’s nothing like it.

But kids and camp might not be your thing. No problem! There are lots of charities out there. Maybe cancer is closer to your heart, or something environmental, or maybe Derek Zoolander’s Center For Children Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too? (Not everyone will get that, but the ones who do will think it’s funny.)

Give what you can.

Charity works on a sliding scale. There’s no obligation. We give what we can—and it doesn’t have to be money! It can be items you’re no longer using, or it can be time. Time is HUGE. Spending time at a group home with mentally challenged people or serving or delivering food to those in need are both great.

Still, that .06 and sticker in the Tzedakah box won’t add up overnight, so if you have any charities that you love, please comment below or on the Dim Sum and Doughnuts Facebook page so my family (and hopefully others) can explore different charities.

And if you know of one where we can sit around eating cake and listening to Eminem with people who need us, make sure to put some stars by it. We’ll hit that one up first.

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Thanks for being here!

XOXO The DS+D Crew

Facebook : DimSumandDoughnuts

Twitter: RobynCoden

Instagram: dimsumanddoughnuts

They always got back at it.

It was a powerful video, and by the time all three of the athletes reached The Olympics, I was crying. I then made both of my girls watch it because why the hell should I be crying alone? No, gracias. Plus, it taught an inspirational lesson of perseverance, and maybe one I could “skate” out of if they just “watched the video.”

It’s now summertime, and my family is living at an overnight summer camp full of kids. The other day, as I was walking by the hockey rink, I was reminded of those athletes from the video. There were some kids playing in the rink, and one of them fell just as I was walking by. The oldest boy, a former camper, handled the fall perfectly. He yelled “You’re OK??” towards the kid who fell, but it actually sounded more like a statement than a question.

That’s because he knew the kid was OK. He fell down. No big deal. That’s part of it.

Whenever we learn something new, we fall down. The question isn’t whether or not we’re going to fall, it’s whether or not we get back up. And that’s not just with sports—it’s new jobs, new babies, new lifestyle choices, new “normals.”

Anything new has a learning curve.

The oldest boy who was “coaching” in the hockey rink, he has been coming to camp since he was very young and I have had the privilege to watch him grow. I’ve watched him fall many times over the years, in many different ways, but he has always gotten back up. It was cool to watch him help a younger kid do the same, because I remember a time when he was that kid. He has since learned the importance of practice and determination, the rewards it can bring, and the character it builds.

I have a daughter who also knows all of this, because we talk about it, but she couldn’t care less. At least not yet. She wants no part of Mommy’s awesome wisdom (her loss), and she wants no part of falling down. If she can’t do something (pretty much anything) perfectly the first time, she wants out. She will stomp off and claim she doesn’t “like it,” and I have to pep-talk her until she gets back in the ring.

It’s interesting living at camp with her, because even though I’m always usually accessible, I try not to make myself overly available. It’s not my place right now to talk my daughter back into something, or catch her when she falls. Sure, my instinct is to be there, especially because I easily could be, but I know I need to distance myself. While my daughter is at camp, she’s a camper, and my job, as her parent, is to let her go. This is her time to utilize the people around her (not me) to help her figure things out for herself.

My daughter will fall, just like that kid in the rink, and the athletes in the video. Everyone falls. It’s part of growing up, and it’s part of life. It’s only fair, though, to try again, because we’ll know more the second time around. We’ll know better how not to make the same mistakes. And if we get blindsided by something we weren’t prepared for—an unplanned hit that comes out of nowhere, (because that s**t happens)—and we go down, we’ll know better how to deal when we get up, because we have dealt before.

And then one day, because we have been there ourselves, we can teach someone else what we have learned, if they too should fall.

(The daughter)

(The “Coach”)

Thanks for being here! 

The DS+D crew