Do you find yourself bored and annoyed with having to explain the same things over and over again? Do you have at least one child who can’t read?
If you answered YES to both of the above questions, you need this:
Today was one of those days where I found myself lecturing my kids repeatedly. I had been with them for 5 hours and I’m beat up. It’s hard to be a mommy after a work day. Work is much easier than being a mom. I don’t get nearly as tired from working as I do from mommy’ing.
But maybe that’s because no one at work is trying to kill me.
I told the girls to “Get out and leave Mommy alone for 5 minutes” so I could clean the kitchen table and get ready for dessert (dessert every night, yes) and though I heard them laughing and having fun 5 seconds ago, we all know that laughing always, ALWAYS leads to crying.
And sure enough, one of them is now crying.
After diffusing that situation, we settled in for dessert. They asked for fortune cookies. Fortune cookies do nothing for me so I opted, instead, for a spoon so I could settle in and eat The Best Frosting Ever.
It’s weird that my kids wanted fortune cookies. We didn’t even have Chinese for dinner. (Insert the obvious “You have a kid from China, of course she wants a fortune cookie…HA HA HA!” … it’s not that funny.)
Anyway, I was happily leaning on the counter, eating The Best Frosting Ever when Sweet Pea came up to me holding out her fortune. “What does it say, Mommy? What does it say?”
I could have read the fortune verbatim, but I was standing in the midst of a gifted opportunity and I didn’t want to waste it:
Sweet Pea has been potty trained FOR TWO YEARS, yet I busted her earlier for hiding stinky, wet undies in her laundry basket. With that in mind, this is what I read as her fortune: ”Those who pee in their pants, smell of pee pee.”
WHAT?!? Where did THAT come from?
It was amazing. She didn’t know what to say. I went nuts: “Ohmigawd, we were just talking about that earlier, weren’t we Sweet Pea? That is crazy!” She was in awe. Not only did she get busted by me, but also a fortune cookie!
Two birds, one stone.
Let the fortune cookie do your work! Leave it to someone else, someone mysterious who lives in a cookie, to lecture your kid!
The almost-3-year-old Lovey was all over me with her fortune next: “Mommy, mommy! Read mine! Read mine!”
Lovey was recently potty trained in literally two days—and while she is awesome at peeing on the potty, she is still a big fan of pooping in her pants…to Lovey I read: “It is better to poop on the potty than walk around with a dump in the rump.”
She flipped out. How great is THAT? She couldn’t believe what her fortune said. “Mommy, I poop in my pants!“ Yes, you do. Time to stop! Then, holding out another fortune she said: “Mommy, do this one!!”
OK, let’s see what this one says…”If you have a problem with your sister, don’t tattle. Your mommy doesn’t care, so just work it out with your sister. Deal with it. Don’t bother Mommy.”
How about that one? I usually have to tell my girls around 100 times a day not to tattle on each other. Maybe tomorrow it will only be 50!
Who knows? Only confuscious.
And my fortune…?
“She who eats half a can of Best Frosting Ever suffers from wicked stomachache.“
once again…..i love you.. You never cease to crack me up.Your humor and your daily events with your girls are h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s…….maybe you should start a lil side business if fortune cookie writing, i think you are onto something!
For you, Katie–your fortune: May you always be the beautiful person I believe you to be, and although we have never met I feel like I know you. I love how colorful you are. You are like a Bendel bracelet, the real happy, pretty ones. I love that you are like that. You have this crazy, positive aura about you. You are paper by the pound (in assorted colors), you are a hello kitty change purse, you are Dr. Pepper lip gloss, you are rainbows and heart stickers on a roll (and I know you know the kind of stickers that I’m talking about). If you were a song, you’d be that song: “These are a few of my favorite things.” I just adore you. I truly do. You just make me happy. You shine.
Also, it is better to press shirt than press luck.
Yes, rainbow chip is the bomb. As are you!
It really is the bomb. Now it feels like a bomb in my stomach but how good is it? It is out-of-control good. I’m so happy that you know how GOOD it is. The chips are so soft. Towards the end of my excursion, I was just picking the chips out. It is yummy goodness for 1.55/ea. It doesn’t get much better than that, at least not for me. I wish I could share it with you!
I agree with Katie. I LOVE this! Absolutely BRILLIANT! I am going to always keep fortune cookies in my house now. One of my kids still can’t read. Maybe D’s will say don’t hump cars when there’s a diva inside. By the way, so proud to hear about all the potty-training progress!
I would bring some tomorrow but they each had 4 tonight and then there was only one left so they split it. (That was when I did the “Be nice to your sister” fortune). They are so excited for tomorrow night. I’m glad you liked this entry. Thank you–you are so good to me. Little Lovey is very excited to tell Auntie Sara ALL about her potty training tomorrow night. I’m sure she will be happy to pull her pants down to show you her pull ups. No big girl undies until she stops the whole “poop in the pants” thing. I would not be happy if she did that in undies. That $%#@ just ain’t right.
I just read someone else’s blog online and wish I could get those 5 minutes back. I was looking for redemption when I saw yours. Well done Rob. You never let me down. I love you.
PS Gabe told his swim teacher that his “friend’s dog has yummy breath…just ask my mom”. Give your whole clan our love.
The other day when I took Floyd Coden to get shaved down for camp, I asked the groomer if she could clean his teeth but she said “No, he has to be put out for that.” I said “Well, that will make my friend very happy.”
I’m glad you liked the read! I’m thinking Chinese might be good for our next dinner. Extra fortune cookies? Love you, Stace. You made my day today.
you are correct. rainbow chip IS the best.
Ha Ha Ha!! You are funny but it really is The Best. Where did it come from and where has it been all my life? Those chips…so soft and scattered so perfectly among the frosting, and in beautiful assorted colors. It’s a tummyache in a can, but worth it.
Love hearing from you! Thank you so much!!
Hazel M. Wheeler says
Hilarious… I’m going to try that the next time I’m out at Chinese food with Kiddo and he’s trying to lay all over me because he’s suddenly ‘so tired’. Perhaps I can lay a magical wisdom early bedtime threat on him…
Glad to read you again, Robyn. I can’t say that I go for the frosting, but I am certainly leaning toward gluttony when it comes to chocolate croissants. mmmmm…
A chocolate croissant sounds so good right now, Hazel. My stress eating has reached new limits. Can you please come here and phsically remove me from all things with sugar? I’m out of control. I need you…Please come here…!!!
Maybe we could have a ‘one size fits all children no matter what age they are’ fortune cookie. ‘mum is always right and you should listen to what she says always because she’s always right’…don’t question the wisdom of the cookie…
I’m cracking up because I absolutely did that one as one of my “fortunes!” I can’t remember how the fortune started because I was reading it right off the little fortune paper (you know… to make the fortune more legit and all) and then I’d finish with one of my own “fortunes” and one of the times I definitely did a “…And please listen to your mommy and do what she says” fortune.
I love that you would have too! That is true validation for me!!
Thank you so much. 🙂
Ann Collins says
Another good laugh!! My goodness I thought I was the only one that could eat frosting out of the can . ha. Of course you can’t do that in front of the children.Love the fortune cookie idea..more Moms should try to work that one in..
while they’re exhausting..enjoy and keep those precious moments in your heart. Granny C
I’m so happy that I can make you laugh. I would share my frosting with you anytime. I love that you understand that this blog is all about keeping the precious moments in my heart, but just so I don’t forget, I try to get them down. Plus, it will be fun for the girls to read about one day. They will really get a sense of their lives at this time and they will definitely get to know their mommy on a totally different level. Thanks so much for your comment. I just love hearing from you!!!