You’re Not Alone (II)

I’m not saying these are all about me. I’m just saying if you feel the same way, you’re not alone.

You’re not alone if…

1. You go out for dinner as a family once or twice a week. It’s great to be home, but it’s also good for your kids to learn how to act in a restaurant–and even better not to have to clean up after them.

2. You go out without your spouse and spend some time with friends or by yourself once a week. It is good to get dressed and get OUT. You will be a better parent and a better partner when you come back. If your kids are going to be up when you come home, try not to come home drunk.

3. You delete a photo of you and your kid even though your kid looks really cute. The kid always looks cute. If you look like crap, it’s out.

4. You, on occasion, leave your sink filled with dishes because you’re just too exhausted to deal. Free pass. It’s gross, yes, but you’ll get to them in the morning. Just do them in the morning, because if you don’t, that’s really gross and even I can’t help you out of that one.

5. You are a working mom. You may or may not need to work, I don’t know, but I do know that it’s good for kids to understand and know that you work and see that you work (unless you are a hooker). Being a parent and working is a tough balance because there is always a part of you that feels either your job or your kid isn’t getting your undivided attention. As long as you’re doing the best you can, your kids will grow up respecting you for it.

6. You stay at home with your kids and don’t work. If you’re able to afford it, more power to you. And even though there’s no pay stub for the stay-at-home mom, it’s a b**ch of a job. I doubt you’re hanging out popping the proverbial “bon bon,” but if you are, I guarantee you’re on your feet while doing so. My friend, LoGo, once said: “There are many days when I sit down for dinner and I realize that it’s the first time I have sat down all day.”

7. You ask your kids to do stuff you don’t feel like doing (letting the dog out, answering the phone when it’s a telemarker, etc). That is, after all, one of the main reasons we had kids in the first place.

8. You lie and say the after dinner coffee is regular even though it’s decaf. Your ass doesn’t have to be up all night just because your friends are speed freaks.

9. You call your kid in sick to daycare even though she’s not–you just want to hang out with her. And even so, you don’t get penalized for sick days. It’s freakin’ day care.

10. You are really ready for your kids to go back to school after a snow day, a weekend or 10 minutes.

11. You keep a pen and pad of paper in your glove box so you can leave note on the car that is arrogantly taking up two spaces. That note should say: “I hope you don’t f**k like you park, you’d never get it in!”

12. You wonder why it’s called a glove box. Does anyone ever put their gloves in there?