For some reason, whenever I voice a concern about my kids, there is almost always someone who feels the need to weigh in with the following response:
“Oh, just wait. That’s NOTHING… Just wait until she is (fill in whatever age their kid is), because that’s way worse!”
I can’t stand that.
Currently, I‘m over my younger one pooping in her diaper. She’s going to be 3 years old soon and she still doesn’t tell me when she needs to go. I would think she’d want to tell me but no, she is quite content walking around with a rump full of dump.
And not only that, but when I approach her about the VERY obvious poop in her pants, she simply replies: “It’s OK, Mommy!”…Really? Is it? Is it OK that you are walking around with a giant POOP IN YOUR PANTS?”
(Kid in the green/yellow is the one who still poops in her pants.)
(Yep, that one.)
As a parent to a little one, I feel like my complaint is valid. I’m over my kid crapping her pants. I’m looking for someone to help me, to give me some advice. I’m not looking for this:
“Just wait…Oh, just wait…I have a 17 year old son who just brought a hooker to my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah and also, he does bong hits at the dinner table.”
I’m sorry, but did I ask to hear about your 17 year old train wreck of a kid? No, I did not. I have a kid who is literally CRAPPING her pants. I’m not interested in your horror and “whore” stories. Thanks for nothing. Go clean your kid’s bong.
I guess it’s normal for the Been There, Done That parents to use the “Just Wait” scare tactic. They’ve earned it. They paid their dues. They already went through all the stuff we’re dealing with. They’ve moved on. I get that.
But it’s not really helpful.
It’s about perspective, yes, but please understand–everything is relative. If you’re talking to someone who hasn’t been a parent as long as you have, someone who has a valid complaint about what is currently going on with their kid, a kid who’s walking around in denial about a diaper that smells like 4 day old Indian food, I can tell you with a great deal of confidence that perspective is not what they’re looking for.
Most parents (especially new ones) are beat up and worn out. We want someone to listen when we have a concern—a if you’re offering an effective solution, we’ll gladly take it.
We want help. We want support.
Raising kids is like any other part of life. It goes in phases and we have to ride each one out. We suit up and bear down through the rough phases while we wish, in vain, that the fun phases would last forever.
When we complain about parenting issues, we’re either asking for help or looking to vent.
But if you choose to respond to our pleas with “Just Wait…blah blah blah blah blah annoying” well, that’s totally fine. But I think YOU should “Just Wait” too…and I think you should do it over there, with my kid, who just pooped in her diaper. Again.
(Props to this one for being done pooping in her pants.)
Thanks for being here!
I hate that because I have two teens in my home and when I tell people that they are good kids and that I don’t have the “normal” issues, they always say, “Oh just wait until they are ___”. ARGH! They need a slap across the face… with a chair!
That’s what I’m talking about, sister! I knew it couldn’t have been just me who is annoyed by this. THANK YOU for weighing in. I appreciate it so much. The next time someone does it, you’ll probably crack up…
You’re awesome. Thank you!!
I LOVE YOU!!! You write and you make me think and laugh which is awsome. Nobody writes like you. Those pics of Lovey and Sweetpea are yummy btw. EVERY mommy needs advice or a push now and then, and NO mommy needs a just wait 🙂
Thanks, “Caren.” I love you. You make ME laugh. Hard. You make me laugh until I cry (pink frisbee). You and your family are such a huge part of my life and the life of my family–I can’t imagine you guys not being in it. I love you for never being judgy, making me laugh and always splitting a large chicken greek and letting me have more because I’m always hungry. You are THE BEST and one of my most favorite people in the world. I love you.
In all my wisdom (NOT) at 42 (just abou 43) years young I have learned that really all we want is for someone to listen (we ust need to vent.) While helpful advice (as Caren gave you) is truly quite helpful we are just looking for someone to hear us (so we don’t feel all alone in this world.) So Robyn, with that said, I hear you loud and clear! I laugh with you (and not at you- although you are quite hilarious.) Your quick wit and sense of humor allows me to remember a time (not so long ago) that while the players are different the situations and the emotions attached are very familiar. I remember with a huge smile on my face and sometimes a couple tears in my eyes as I sooo wish my two little girls were the age your children are right now- again. I thank you for sharing (I only wish you did it more frequently) and I am happy to listen (and read along with everyone else) as often as you would like. And by the way, you are doing a great job! xo 😉
Lisa, this is so nice, I think I’m crying a little. Wait. Yep, I am…
Your comment is so appreciated, you have no idea. I tell Cody all the time that writing the blog is such a thankless job because most of the time I don’t know what people are thinking when they read it. Of course, I’m doing it so my girls have it, but they won’t be interested for a long, long time.
Thank you for making it “worth it.” You just validated me so much and I wish I could give you a big hug. I am so happy that you enjoy it even though all of the posts don’t always pertain to where you and your girls are right now. You are one of my favorites and I’m so happy I got to know you, because if it wasn’t for the blog, I probably never would have had the chance. …And you are truly, TRULY special.
I feel the same! xoxo AND, your posts do pertain to me and us.
(And just a little side note, I kept journals- unfortunately have not been so good in more recent years, that my girls are already quite anxious to read. Don’t ever stop writing!)
That is so cool that you do that. I want to read them too. I bet there’s some good stuff in there… 🙂
You are the best. You made my whole day and you made this whole thing worth it. Please know that.
There is some good stuff, for sure. 😉
Thank you for saying that, but you reached out to all of us first and I am so appreciative of that. Us girls, we have to stick together! I hope you have a great day!
besides the fact that the post is hysterical and i bet so very true.. i would love to have the girls clothes (especially Sweat Pea’s black dress and boots and Lovey’s green printed dress)..
you rock ROB!
Ah…my favorite Buckeye! Hi G!! I love that you love their “ensembles.” Last week J and I ran errands and went to “Caren’s” house and although I thought the pink dress she had on was very cute, I guess it wasn’t enough for her. She put a bathing suit on top of it. It was 46 degrees outside. After we picked up F up from school, it took over an hour before F said…”Wait, is J wearing a bathing suit on top of her dress??” You would have loved it.
Miss you and thank you for letting me steal all of our awesome Buckeye stuff. You know I love it!! Sorry for the loss. I think it hit you harder than it hit the players…XOXOXO rob
Hazel M. Wheeler says
You have humbled me, in a good way. I’m that buttinski who, when people are bitching about the Terrible Twos says “Oh, ho! Just you wait! This is training ground for Three!” Mwah-ha-ha.(Whaaa-whaaa! Cue Debbie Downer music here.)
I will now kindly keep my mouth shut (even if I think they’re making the proverbial mountain out of a molehill) and offer them a hug. 🙂
My biggest parent-whine is that I’m an introvert with an extroverted child. Kiddo takes after his father that way, and I’m not sure it will ever change, no matter how old we get.
And yes, keep blogging, even though IT IS THANKLESS. More thankless than wiping a little person’s nose, because even if they’re running away from you, you can see that the snot is gone and you’ve done some good in the world, if only momentarily. I sometimes wonder why I do it too (write, that is)– my friends are good at commenting in person, but the lurkers leave no feedback. I think we just have to keep doing it for ourselves, if we wish. I know writing keeps me sane. Maybe for you, too?
Hi Hazel!! Is there Debbie Downer music? I thought it was just “WAH WAH…” 🙂
You are in such a good position to offer help to those who need it. Screw the hug. Well, maybe a hug too. That is nice. You’re so nice. I need to be nice like you. I guess you’re really the inspiration here, aren’t you? Anyway, it’s so surprising to me that you’re an introvert. You seem like you’d be so much fun. It’s probably good that you and your kid are different–good balance, you know? Sweet Pea and I butt heads BIG TIME because she is so like me. Impatient…relentless…demanding…Oh boy, I’m in trouble with her. Lovey is so much easier. I’m sure she gets that from her father and since I love being with him, it makes sense that I love being with her (Not that I don’t love being with Sweet Pea but being with her is like being with me and one of me is enough) 🙂
I like what you said about “wiping a little person’s nose” (I bet no one has ever said that before) but I like what you said. The little things can make a big difference, even if just for the moment. There is a lot to be said for your statement. You are so wise, I seriously can’t deal. I wish you were my next door neighbor (and not just because the ones we have suck) but because I think I would probably go to you for pretty much everything. Even sugar. XXOO
I am going through the same thing with mine! Please share anything you find is working for you… I have one that doesn’t mind the poop in the pants. My son was so much easier, he hated being dirty.
Uh, I’m not doing much right now but I need to get on it. And I will…soon!!!
Laura S. says
So funny and so true! My kids are the youngest of all the cousins so I get the “just wait . . . ” all the time from my sisters-in-law. And then many of my friend’s kids are older so I get it there too. The other one I hate is “well, you wanted kids” – from people who have kids! I could almost understand if they didn’t have kids but they do, maybe they’re grown by now, but hey, they still went through all this and could have a little empathy. Thanks for sharing!
“Well, you wanted kids…” That’s a new one for me.
“OK, fine, I wanted kids…but I didn’t want THESE kids!”
(Just kidding, but it would be funny if you say it).
Isn’t it amazing what a knee jerk reaction it is to do the “Just Wait…” thing? I have to really be conscious of what I’m saying so I don’t say it. Since I don’t like it, I can’t imagine that anyone else does either. I swear, it’s like a hazing thing. The person saying it never liked hearing it, but now they get to do it so they do. Like you said…Where is the empathy they wanted, right?
Loved your comment. Thank you so much for taking the time. I appreciate it so much.
If you only knew what I’d do for one M&M from you… xo
One is enough, right?? I’m so generous…:) XOXO
As my son is now 20 all those helpful…not…words of impending doom that was going to befall my son are, thankfully behind me. All the dire warnings…mostly…never came true! As I was a very young mum I, in my inexperience, tended to believe that if I didn’t teach my son to share, go to the toilet, play nicely with others that he was going to end up as an unsociable man, on drugs and wearing a nappy at 40…I may be exaggerating but you get my point. He didn’t by the way…just saying!
I was lucky enough to have a great group of girls around me with kids of the same age. We supported and encouraged without judgement.
I now have my sister who has a little gorgeous princess who is 14 months old. She worries just like I did and she comes to me for advice which is very special. If I can give the same to her as my friends gave to me then I’ve done my job and paid it forward…let’s hope we all do that…
I want so badly to reply to you to tell you how awesome your comment is, but I don’t have the words. You just “get” it and I love that you “get” it. We’re all just doing what we can so when we throw something out there, we’re in a vulnerable position to begin with. The “Just Wait until he/she gets older…” comments are unproductive and annoying. More people should be like you.
Your sister is lucky to have you as a sister, your son is lucky to have you as a mom, and I’m lucky to have you a reader.
Thank you. 🙂
Robyn, in the spirit of paying it forward I want to say how funny and thought provoking I find your blogs. You make me think, reflect and put into to words with my replies thoughts I don’t always have an outlet for. It’s cathartic and makes me stop for a moment…moments we don’t often make in our lives to listen to ourselves. Does that make sense?
Anyway thanks…and as we say ‘down under’…your a bloody ripper!!! which is a very good thing by the way 🙂
You don’t know how much that means to me, Edwina. It’s such a labor of love, this blog. On one hand, I’d really rather be watching TV, but on the other, I know I’ll be happy I did it one day because my girls will have it and maybe they’ll pass it down.
So,..I plug along and when I can’t get something out of my head, it has to come out, and it may as well come out here! I love having you as a reader, you are so special to me and I have no doubt that you, too, are a bloody ripper!
(I’m going to say that all the time now, I love it.)
Thank you for everything. So much…
Hi Robyn! I totally feel your pain. It’s only Tuesday and I think I’ve been told to “just wait” at least three times this week already. I hear it almost as much as I hear the “enjoy every moment” comment.
Sometime I just want to reply “really?!?!? I have two small children. I’ll see your 17 year old bong smoker and raise you a five month old with an explosive poop up his back and a 3 year old having temper tantrum over a sprinkle cupcake”. I guess it’s all relative. Thanks for your awesome post.
You are way funny. I wish you could have seen my face when I read your comment.
Someone I know just had a baby and I told her to “enjoy every moment!” I swear, I did. You are so right though. Explosive poopie is not something to be enjoyed (one time a little bit got on my face–MY FACE!!!) I did not enjoy that. And, staying with your other example, little Lovey had a total freak out/drama moment this morning because I gave her a sippie cup with milk instead of a big girl cup. WTH, Lovey? YESTERDAY, YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU WANTED THE SIPPIE! I didn’t cave, I stayed strong, but it took up a lot of time this morning and now I’m exhausted.
Your comment is awesome. It is all relative. I’m so glad you “got” my post. Thank you!!
Enjoy every moment!! 🙂 🙂
FYI… Explosive-poop-back and Sprinkle-Freakout are my nephews and Sarah is my older sister. She’s obsessed with you! Make sure she’s treated like a Ketchel, please…
Floyd Coden 4Life!
Sarah is your sister?? Well, now I know why she’s so funny and awesome. She’s a Ketchel!
We all miss you so much! I hope you are able to stop by camp again this summer. I’ll be there (unless I’m shopping). Floyd Coden is still the cutest dog ever. He just had a humongo tumor removed but he’s doing great. He is still the scrappiest dog around.
Love hearing from you. HUGE smile on my face right now. XOXOXO’s…
even though i dont have kids, i fing Dand D to be the most entertaining and informative blog that i have EVER read!!! I know that I have told you this a thousand times, but i think you are hilarious and you should be published and everyone should be reading your insights……keep them coming , we all look forward to the antics of Lovey and Sweet Pea…and Floyd of course…(being a new dog owner, i had to include him!:) ) Hope all is well and Happy Passover ,i hope you find the afikomen so you can go to Bendels!!
How is your new poochie?? Did you settle on a name yet? I’m sure it’s something cute. I’m so happy to hear from you. What a great suprise for me! I wear my bracelet all the time so you are actually on my mind more than you know. Your support has gotten me over the “blog hump” many, many times. Just knowing you’re out there, reading and smiling, motivates me so much. I just adore you. Bendels forever!! One day we will meet there. I’ll bring the girls!
PS. I’m going to NYC next week and you know where my first stop will be, right? Well, after I eat…I have to eat…XOXO
The puppies name is technically Louie. But i also call him Juan Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter, he was my favorite Sweathog. he also answers to Cujo and Lucifer. He also prefers to be called Snooki at times. He has so many names, its totally out of control.
I am so glad you wear the bracelet!! I just got a new Bendel Book in the mail yesterday, so I am excited to see whats new….I have been making stickers left and right, so i may have to get you some, although i do love the old school stickers that i sent you, making some new ones is fun as well….
We will have to get together before you leave for the summer, would love to meet the girls…
hope all is well