It’s Mailbag Monday at Dim Sum and Doughnuts!
Below are the topics/questions for this installment. Feel free to agree, disagree or add on in the comment section. #ItTakesAVillage
Here we go, yo:
I have a friend getting married in 5 months. I’m not her maid of honor but I am a bridesmaid. This morning the maid of honor sent out an email to all of us about the bachelorette party and I wrote her back. On the same email, I also ranted about one of the girls I can’t stand who is also a bridesmaid and she doesn’t like her either. Well long story short I hit reply to all in stead of just sending it to the maid of honor. Everyone has read it. The maid of honor is so mad at me. Everyone is probably mad at me. I don’t know what to do.
-Desperate in Dallas
I struggled after reading this email. I knew I was going to take it on, but I didn’t want to make her wait. I kept picturing her, sitting at her desk, crapping her pants— so I wrote her a quick note telling her what she needed to do. I didn’t explain myself, so I’m hoping she stops by and sees this, because part of my response comes from experience:
We have all been in this position, or some form of it. We have all said hit SEND before we should have, or sent something we shouldn’t have to the wrong person.
If we haven’t, it’s only a matter of time.
Own your shit and move on. Place a call, write an email, schedule a visit (pick one) and apologize. Reading mean things about yourself is hurtful. She’s hurt. Plus, she was blindsided. She didn’t know you felt that way, or maybe she did? Either way: to see negative things about yourself in print (true or not) is hurtful.
It was an honest mistake though—and you feel bad, so tell her. You blew it. If left unattended, the issue isn’t just going to go away. Tell her you’re sorry.
I imagine you guys weren’t that tight if you ripped her behind her back instead of to her face so, if anything, she’s now aware of how you feel about her. And I’m betting you’re not number one on her “faves” list either. But as long as you guys can co-exist, you’ll be fine.
We can’t all like each other.
And who knows? Maybe this whole thing will make you closer! Maybe a bridge will be built and you guys will become super tight and one day joke around like:
-“BFF! Remember when we didn’t like each other?”
-“Uh, no. It was YOU who didn’t like ME!”
-“Tomato, TomAHto! Love ya, girl!”
It wouldn’t be a horrible idea to send a note to the other girls as well. Acknowledge the situation and apologize. They’ll get it. They’ve probably been there too. Get it over with and move on. And the next time you write anything to anyone, before you hit SEND, picture 50,000 other people looking at it, because you never know.
Note: My friend, Busy, and my kids helped with this one so if the answer is bad, blame them too.
Teenager Mood Swings
I was a terrible teenager, but I really can’t speak to the topic of raising teenagers because my kids are only 7 and 9 right now. Thankfully, some very bright and experienced parents from the Dim Sum and Doughnuts community jumped on this one to respond, and these are the salient points I took from their responses:
- Teenager mood swings last until age 22
- It’s eggshells until then
- Keep the conversation open
- Encourage physical activity, it helps
- Give your teens a longer leash as long as they are trustworthy
- They will come back around eventually
- Wait it out, breathe deeply
And lastly, there was this burning topic of disagreement over…
The Refereeing at the OSU/UofM game
I, very sadly, didn’t get to see the second half because I was on a plane. I missed the ALLEGED “bad calls,” but this is what I do know:
A win is a win is a win.
As a Wolverine, you’d be more familiar if you had any against us in the last 6 years!
#GoBucks #SorryForYourLOSS #XOXO
Thanks for being here and for being a part of Mailbag Monday!
You can send in Mailbag Monday questions or topics anytime to firstname.lastname@example.org or to any of the links below.
We hope to see you back soon!
The DS&D Crew