Lying is bad. I don’t think there is anyone out there who would disagree. And to me, the worst part about lying is not the deceit, it’s the fact that I will always question the person who lied, and anything they say, in the future. Plus, lying can become a habit, and as most habits go, the more people do it, the better they become.
My kids are liars. Thankfully, at this point, they are both very bad at it. I have two girls; one is 4 and one is 7. They know that lying is bad. They know that Mommy hates it, and they know that if they get busted, it is big, BIG trouble. But still, they lie.
I don’t get it. I told them a long time ago If you tell the truth, no matter how bad it is, you will NOT get into trouble, but if you LIE… it’s all over.
How is that not a good deal?
But still, they lie.
And the thing is, they know I’m not kidding. If they lie, I take something away. I don’t forget to do it. And, the things I take away…they are the things that matter—to them, not me.
For instance, my 7 year old, F, vehemently dislikes “skinny jeans,“ but she looks so cute in them. It’s always a fight though. F is ALL about dresses, real ornate dresses, like she’s going to have her First Communion (except we’re Jewish).
Fine by me. Love your fancy dresses, I don’t care, but if you like…? I’ll pull every one of those dresses and guess what? It’s Skinny Jeans for 3 days! SKINNY JEANS!!!
And gum is out too. (She loves gum.) Don’t even think about asking me for gum, sister— you’re out on that too, but oh, what do you know? Mommy wants a piece…it’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. Gum, gum, gum. I love gum! YUM YUM YUM!! Wish I could give you a piece, but I can‘t! Sorry!
Shouldn’t have lied!
My 4 year old, JJ, is also all about dresses, but she’s into “maxi dresses.” (The real long ones that go all the way to the floor.) She is obsessed. All she wants to wear are maxi dresses. Every day. Maxi dresses. I’m so sick of maxi dresses. …But that’s where I get her: You’re gonna lie too? Awesome. Say good-bye to your maxi dresses, doll face. TWO WEEKS!! And for 2 weeks, I get to pick out her clothes.
She has to wear whatever I want. It’s great for me because on top of all the stuff I get them, my kids get hand-me-downs from my friends, so they have a ton of clothes. It’s insane. They are like The Kardashians. (The hand-me-down version.) For 2 weeks that closet is super fun for me, but not for her. Sorry!
Shouldn’t have lied!
But kids lie. It’s what they do. They’re kids. All kids do it. I don’t know why. There really is no good ending, but there must be some part of their brain that truly believes they are going to get away with it.
I have tried to explain to my girls, as my dad did with me, that they should feel comfortable telling me the truth because no matter what they do, I have done worse. I still remember my dad telling me that, and it worked, except for once. (One time my friends and I decided to write the word S**T on a neighbor’s brick house using mustard, and when my dad approached me about it, I lied and said that I didn‘t do it. He gave me one more chance to tell the truth—he even threw out our family “stopper” and made me say “Honest to G-D,“ but I stayed strong. Later, when I admitted that I lied, he said that he knew. Parents usually know.)
My kids decided to lie to me a few days ago. It wasn’t anything big (it was actually kind of stupid, something about a rhinestone hair tie) and I don’t know if it’s because I was trying to get out the door for a 3-1/2 hour road trip up to camp where we live all summer, or if I am just over stupid lies about stupid stuff, but I FREAKIN’ LOST IT.
It was scary. I was even kind of scared. I walked into the playroom totally “Mommie Dearest” style. I even kicked a tub of Lincoln logs. They went everywhere, (I think I may have even hurt my back a little) but I had to stay in the moment because I actually had their attention. And the whole time it was happening, I was like Is this really happening?? But I didn’t want to waste the moment—I wanted them to know how NOT WORTH IT it is to lie: “See what you guys did to Mommy??? Do you like to see Mommy like this??? I hope that lie was worth it!!“
I made them clean everything up while I packed the car. Cleaning up that mess (most of which I made) couldn’t have been fun, but they knew I meant business and also, it was nice for me to have 10 minutes to get stuff done.
Then I decided that those 10 minutes were really nice, so I didn’t talk to them for the whole first hour of our road trip—and anytime they seemed like they might be having a good time, I told them they were NOT allowed to be having any fun!
Meanwhile, I was having a full-on party in the front seat blasting music, dancing, chewing gum and singing all of their favorite Billy Joel and Eminem songs really loud, but I didn’t let them sing with me, and I didn’t let them talk or laugh or ANYTHING.
Sorry! Shouldn’t have lied!
It was when we stopped for lunch at Cracker Barrel (best place ever) that it happened. F (that’s the 7 year old) all on her own, decided that if I ever think they are lying, I should say “Think before you speak…“ and that will be code for “This is your last chance—tell Mommy the truth or she will make your life SUCK for as long as it takes.
I was relieved. I loved that they were starting to understand the severity of lying. I was also happy to have my girls back, and honestly, I was tired. Being angry is exhausting.
I felt better, but as we got up from the table to pay the bill, I was still a little upset about everything that transpired that morning. Lying is bad, and I was scared about how easily they lied to me— still, it was nice to know that we were on our way to some kind of resolution.
But we weren’t there yet, so when they asked for candy after lunch, I responded the only way I could: “Candy? That sounds so good! Tootsie rolls? Tootsie rolls are the BEST! But not this time. Maybe next time, guys.
Sorry! Shouldn’t have lied!”
***************************************
Thanks for being here!
Facebook : DimSumandDoughnuts
Twitter: RobynCoden
Instagram: dimsumanddoughnuts
Loved this post. Loved the Lincoln log fall out.. Loved the resolution… You’re great!
Oh, Monica! You are the best! I’m so glad you liked it. I was CRAZY when I did that (but I did feel like kind of a bad ass when the Lincoln logs went everywhere, not going to lie 🙂 )
Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate having you so much!
Loved your post ..again..It’s hard to get across about lying..and it’s a natural for kids,even very little..I always told mine that while I may not be happy about whatever they did…it will go MUCH better with the truth..do not compound their actions with a lie,cause I’d turn on them when I found out..and it wouldn’t be pretty 🙂 Keep up the good work!! <3
Exactly, Ann!! It’s not pretty. Lincoln logs everywhere, no gum and NO FUN!! I love that you don’t mess around and I love that I have you as a reader. You are such a treasure to me 🙂
Thank you!!!!
Girl, you rocked it. I have tucked some of your words away in my brain for the next time I need to punish my kids.
Oh, that makes me so happy, Lora! Gum Gum Gum! YUM YUM YUM!! Tooooooo bad!
Go get ’em! They can’t mess with us!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. YOU are the one who rocks it! 🙂
That’s the way it went in my house and it always worked out to tell the truth. Even though I got grounded. At least my parents trusted me and I knew it!
I got grounded a lot too. I was probably grounded at the same time as you! We could have been grounded together, as we both know that if we were friends then, we would have been BAD BAD BAD together!
Kids lie– and that’s no lie!!! But you follow thru on your threats- and THAT”S important . And the punishments are usually worse for us parents than for the kids!!! But they learn you are NOT kidding. Good job!!!!! And great idea from Frankie–now see if it works!!!!!! 🙂
I love that you’re here, Deenie, because you are so validating for me. There is nothing better than a “been there, done that” person tells you that you’re doing OK. Thank you!! You’re so great to me!
Robyn,
Lolol your so quick witted …. But when those girls are teens ooh hoo
Watch out!!! Poor Cody misses the fun stuff
You’re right, Jeri! Cody does miss out on a lot of this stuff. I’m sure he would have been really pleased with my behavior, though if he had been here, I’m sure it wouldn’t have escalated to that level. So, basically, it’s his fault. 🙂
Love, love, love this! I am actually going to steal the clothes punishment from you! I don’t know what it is either with this age and lies but it IS annoying. What’s worse is that my little one’s “tell” is she can’t contain a smile when she lies. So although it is great for me because she is soooooo obvious about it, she thinks it’s funny! Go figure. I bet it won’t be funny when I change her fav wardrobe to my favs for a week or two as you do! Love it!
That’s right, sister! We have to get them where it hurts! The closet!! If you do it, you have to let me know how she reacts. Either way, at least you get your faves in, right? That’s all that REALLY matters… 🙂
NO WIRE HANGERS!!!
EXACTLY!!! That was me. Totally. Joan Crawford in the house!
I love it! I’m going to totally try some of these ideas next time one of mine lies!
I hope it works, Liz! You’ll have to let me know!! I’m so glad you liked it. I appreciate that so much. Thank you!! 🙂
Give them a reason to tell the truth. I always say “thank you for telling the truth” to my child and it encourages her to do so!
I love that, Mrs. Love it!! Encouraging words are always a plus. Agree!! Thank you so much for your comment and for coming by. I hope you come back!
r
Surprised at all the positive comments. Your blog post is a textbook post about what NOT to do. All you’ve going to succeed in doing is raising really good liars.
B. Smith, I think you are my first negative comment EVER. I’m not kidding. No one leaves negative comments. Wait. Not true. Someone once left me a negative comment in my old blog, but never on Dim Sum and Doughnuts. I’m kind of excited. At first your comment made me tired because I thought I’d have to read my whole post over again to see what you were talking about, but then I decided that you could be right, I have no idea how my kids are going to turn out. They could be total liars, I hope not though. That would suck.
I’m happy that you commented and I hope you come back!
OMG! This made me laugh SO HARD! I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing!
-Mental Momma
Heather,
Mental Momma might be the best thing I have ever seen in my life. Can we start a band? Right now? I’m so happy you are here, I can not even tell you!!!!!
r