I’m not saying these are all about me. I’m just saying if you feel the same way, you’re not alone.
You’re not alone if…
1. You decided to get scissors and physically cut stuff out of your kid’s hair because it’s just too sticky and too much of a pain in the a$$ to brush it out.
2. Sometimes you have to confer with a calendar to remember the last time you washed your hair.
3. Someone gets your kid a present, and then you put it away because your kid has enough crap, and then you bring it out one day when your kid is being really good and take all the credit.
4. When your kid says “Look at me! Look at me!” you sometimes reply “That’s great!” without even looking because you are busy and whatever they’re doing probably isn’t anything all that great.
5. You secretly hope that you win at Candyland even though you’re playing with kids.
6. You see the people who work at the market more than you see your friends.
7. You ate cake for breakfast and justified it by telling yourself that it’s OK because cake has eggs in it.
8. You are jealous of your little one who has no issue walking around with her belly hanging out.
9. You agree to accept the Facebook “friend requests” of your friends’ kids because your friend wants you to spy on them. You’re also not alone if you neglect to tell your friend that you are a worthless spy since you hid those kids from your Facebook feed because their status updates are kind of stupid.
10. You throw down a little “BECAUSE I SAID SO!” every now and then, even though you always swore that you never would.
11. You think it’s OK to leave your kids in the car, strapped in their car seats, while you run into a restaurant real quick to pick up carry-out. OK, that is really not OK–but it used to be, a long time ago, and it’s OK to sometimes wish that it still was.