Dim Sum and Doughnuts

A little SUMthing about growing up, making mistakes and happy endings.

Birthday Bashing

Somehow, over the years (when I wasn’t looking) the birthday party bar was raised. Organizing a fun and memorable fiesta for your kid now seems tantamount to planning a Bar Mitzvah. What’s more, when all is said and done, the kids are expected to send out the thank you notes, which really means that the moms are saddled with the job.

I don’t remember my mom ever sending out thank you notes after my birthday parties. When I was a kid, we always had the party at the house. My mom put up decorations, ordered some pizzas, watched us beat the living daylights out of a donkey pinata, and then she served a cake with a red roller skate made out of frosting. It was great.  When it was time for presents everyone sat around and “ooh’d” and “aah’d” as I opened my brand new box of Fashion Plates, my twelve Esprit drawstring bags and some puffy stickers. That is when the “thank you” came out. It came out during present time and it came out of my mouth.

My brother and I were taught to say “thank you” when we got a gift. Whether we actually liked the gift or not, was inconsequential. We said “thank you” and we acted happy about it. I was planning on teaching my kids to do the same. That’s not enough? Why can’t that be enough? A note still needs to be sent? As far as I’m concerned, a “thank you” during gift time is way better than sending a note. In fact, I’m going to go so far as to say that if our kids are real little, we’re actually doing them a disservice by sending out thank you notes. What is that teaching them? THEY’RE NOT EVEN THE ONES WRITING THE NOTES–and don’t tell me that they are…”Oh, they are…they signed their name.” No. That doesn’t count. It’s still extra work for mommy and the kids don’t understand the value—and they don’t care.

On the other hand, teaching them to throw down a “thank you” and feign gratitude during presents will prove to be quite the useful tool to fall back on throughout their lives and, at the same time, we’re seamlessly eliminating the need for a thank you note. Everyone is happy. Win-Win. Right?

Oh, wait. I almost forgot…we’re not supposed to let our kids open their presents during the party anymore.

WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS THAT???

I don’t even really get that. Is it a time saver? Is that the deal, or is it so we can keep kids safe from “present rejection” in the event that the present they brought sucks? If it’s the latter, are we really protecting our children by banning the opening of presents during a party? It’s a brutal world out there and I don’t think it’s going to get easier anytime soon. No better time to prepare your kids for rejection and pain than while eating cake.

Besides, what’s going to happen that’s so horrible? The present your kid brought is actually a sucky one and some other kid is going to heckle it? Who cares? That kid is a loser. He was only invited because another unwritten rule is that we’re expected to invite the whole class (also lame, by the way).

I vote to bring back presents during party time and, in exchange, if the kids are too young to write their own thank you notes, forget them. There is plenty of time for thank you notes when the kid is older and able to do all the work without any help from mommy. Everyone in favor of revising the Birthday Party Constitution, Say “I!” The rest of you think I’m lazy, but I’m really not. By the time the party is over, I’m just done. I need to move on to other things. I already planned the party, I hung out the whole time and I paid for it. Your kid had fun. I saw him. He ate until he was close to barfing, he was entertained enough so he wasn’t sniffing glue in the corner, and he walked out with a goodie bag loaded with lead-filled toys.

Shouldn’t I be the one getting the thank you note?

 

 

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Comments

  1. "No better time to prepare your kids for rejection and pain than while eathing cake." Brilliant! Wouldn't it all be better if we could learn some of life's tough lessons while ramping up on a sugar high.

    I say open the presents at the party, smile and say thanks and call it a day. Who is going to report you and to whom?

    Keep it coming!

  4. Just recently wrapped up my 8-yr old's bday party at a laser tag place. Hostess let me know we'd have enough time to open presents. I said no, thank you. Want to know why? Didn't feel like trading in 10 boys to being in a dark room somehwere else for becoming the secretary and writing down who got him what so that later he'd know who got him what when writing his thank-you cards! 😉

  5. Right on sista'….or I should say daughter. So glad you have good memories of your birthday parties. Sometimes it took me a whole day to make that friggin' cake or weeks to make the Halloween costumes that you didn't really like. (Your brother always got the Halloween Birthday party.) Looking back, I'm glad I did it.

  6. My daughter 5 had her first (and probably last party) 16 invites at a bouncy place……. (they all said yes, WTH)Trust me the kids wanted to play so we did not do "open presents" I could barely get them to sit still for cake………..

    She wrote, that would be her(I only wrote the master), every thank you note. *b*t$hed the whole time, sorry honey, Next time we only invite the number of thank yous you are prepared to write.

    Note to self, January birthdays get a high turnout not much going on…………. Who knew.
    Apparently a May or June party would of had more no shows.

    LDW

  11. What boy would write a thank you before he was bar mitzvahed? Not my boys. Presents need to be opened at the party that's part of the fun. Home parties are the best. Sorry I am too old to
    vote. You said it well. Where ever the party is I'll be there. Grammy

  12. I stole this idea from someone else: At my 5 year old's BD, I handed out the "obligatory" goodie bags with a note that said "Thank you for coming to the party, blah, blah, blah" Done deal!

  13. My niece once said she didn't want presents that year because she didn't want to write "thank yous". Even the kids get it! Jody S

  15. I couldn't agree more. Open your damn gifts and say 'thank you' to all of your guests.

    However, I unfortunately find myself being the mean mom and telling my kids that they have to write thank-you notes and open their gifts after the party.

    I never really realized how much I fall into peer pressure. My daughter is having a party this weekend. And she is going to open her presents in front of her friends and go thank everyone to their face! YAY!

  16. Ok, I know this post is late, but hey…
    According to Emily Post (god I never thought I'd write THAT!), it's perfectly acceptable to provide a verbal Thank You when the gifts are opened and a written note is not necessary. THANK YOU EMILY!!! I make sure my kids thank everyone as soon as the gift is open and DONE! WooHoo!

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