• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • About
  • Sum Girls Boutique
  • “SUM” Services
  • Subscribe
  • Archives
  • Contact
  • Nav Social Menu

    • facebook
    • twitter
    • instagram
    • youtube
    • snapchat

Dim Sum and Doughnuts

A little SUMthing about growing up, making mistakes and happy endings.

The Gynie Monologues

February 28, 2011

WARNING FOR NEWBIES: If you are new to Dim Sum and Doughnuts, I’m not sure if this is the best place to start. You might want to try a different post first and come back here when you’re ready.

WARNING FOR MEN: If you think you can handle the literary terrain of this page, take a moment to brace yourself first. On second thought, just leave. Don’t try to be a tough guy. In about 5 seconds you’re going to be wiping sweat off the back of your neck and looking for an emergency exit, so it’s best if you just cut your losses and leave now. I will miss you and I hope you come back.

TO SINGLE FATHERS OF YOUNG DAUGHTERS: You guys might want to stay. You will not enjoy ONE WORD of this, but the info may come in handy if you have a young daughter. And I’m sorry. 

The other night my  daughter, who is almost four-years old, announced that her gynie smelled like chicken.

A “gynie,”  as you might have guessed, is a vagina. That’s what we call it. (Love it, hate it, that’s what we call it.) I have a crazy heightened sense of smell and I have never once noticed anything remotely smelling like poultry coming from that region. I think I would have picked up on a chicken smell—I’m not a vegetarian.

A bit concerned, and having no prior training in this area, I quickly picked up the phone and called my friend, “Busy.” I told her about chicken vagina and agreed with comfort when she said: “Well, it’s better than tuna.”

Somehow, the Kentucky Fried Gynie topic resurfaced again over dinner with a bunch of my friends. I was not prepared for their response. I got yelled at, in unison, by everyone. Apparently, this gynie thing is a big deal. I did not know that. It turns out that I’m the one at fault for the foul fowl smell. I’m not doing enough to maintain and inspect “the area.”  I’m expected to get in there and check for redness and stinkiness and all kinds of other stuff.

What the hell?

I’ve got a 19 month old in diapers and I already spend a good part of my day with a face full of that gynie (and sometimes that one has poop in it). Plus, I have my own gynie to contend with—and it’s not like I only attend to Jr. on days when I see the gynecologist. NO. I’m on it. I don’t let that $h*t go. This ain’t the 70’s.

Is that not enough gynie?  I thought I was done cleaning and sniffing when we moved out of diapers.

I was wrong. We’re in there with wipes now, minimum: twice a day. Back in the gynie. We do a quick wipe once in the morning when she changes from pull ups to undies, and once before bed. Gynie maintenance. I’m Janitor of the Gynie. I still don’t notice any weird smells in the air, but now that Betty Bagina is back in the daily routine, it does seem like a fairly obvious item for the hygiene chart. Who knew? Not me.

RESPECT THE GYNIE, YO!

And if you’re still here—wishing you weren’t—it’s your own fault. You were warned. But you thought you were so tough, didn’t you, Mr. Tough Guy? Mr. I’m-Not-Scared-Of-No-Chicken-Bagina. I know…vagina talk is kind of gross, but it’s real…and if you have girls, it’s important.

Clean the cooch! Pass it on…

Oh, come on! You’re not CHICKEN, are you?

Gynie blog

 

************************************

Thanks for being here!

Facebook : DimSumandDoughnuts

Twitter: RobynCoden

Instagram: dimsumanddoughnuts

 ds grey background

Related posts:

Ode To Sippy II
You Don't Have To Have Kids
Don't Overthink It
Charity Begins At Home

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Email

Filed Under: Parenthood & Parenting Tips, Rants

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Dawn says

    February 28, 2011 at 10:54 am

    OMG I am dying here- janitor of the gynie. Love it!

    And while I know it will be true when I have my own daughter, I am kinda wishin I had heeded the warning lol. Like you said- I am all up on my own, I don't need to be involved on others lol!

    Loving the blog!

  2. Jillian says

    February 28, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    good stuff, robyn…you don't mess around..:]

  3. Amy says

    February 28, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Thank you for the service you provide. I was in total agreement that I was done with that since my little one is in big girl panties. It was all up to her! Okay…I have added it to the list. Brush teeth, chapstick, lotion and change underwear and WIPE.

  4. Heather Thompson says

    February 28, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    We recently came to the same conclusion much to my dismay as well… thanks for writing it so much more artfully than I could have though;)

    I will be sharing this one with my fellow mommies! lol

  5. sara says

    February 28, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    I guess I'm glad I have boys? I guess 3 gynies in the house is a lot to deal with! love it!

  6. JMM says

    February 28, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    Um, since when does chicken smell like anything… unless it past its prime? NASTY.
    Well, at least she didn't claim it tasted like chicken. 🙂

  7. Sandy says

    February 28, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    Funny and very true to the daily grunt work of the modern Mommy!

  8. Anonymous says

    March 1, 2011 at 12:04 am

    Very funny!!!

  9. Jo says

    March 1, 2011 at 12:10 am

    Too funny! Glad to see you back blogging. I used to read your posts and laugh out loud!

  10. The Jiu Jiu says

    March 1, 2011 at 3:34 am

    I don't consider myself a tough guy but I decided to stick around and read the entire post, and I laughed so hard I snorted coffee up my nose (I'm early in my 2nd half century and that's the first time I've ever heard "Kentucky fried" in that context)! Only problem is, I'm not sure if a noseful of coffee is better or worse than sweat on the back of my neck…?

  11. Lola says

    April 21, 2011 at 8:00 am

    No Va-jay-jays over here…just a bunch of penises. And surprisingly they are pretty low maintenance. Other than having 'the talk' when my oldest said to me (at around age 4) "MOM! It's getting BIGGER" to which I brilliantly responded, "it's supposed to do that, Honey. It'll get smaller again…JUST LEAVE IT ALONE", the penises over here have for the most part, kept to themselves.

    Sidebar (and some of you may want to close your eyes). My male friends tell me I have just about a year or two until I will be stripping sheets daily and will be finding random crunchy socks lying around the bedroom of my now 12 year old. Did that just make you gag? It did me. Holy hell…I'm not ready for this.

Primary Sidebar

heading-about Dim Sum and Doughnuts
heading-subscribe

heading-categories
  • Parenthood & Parenting Tips
  • Camp Life
  • Adoption
  • Rants
  • Marriage & Family
  • Friendship
  • You’re Not Alone
  • Mailbag Monday!
  • Sum Of This, Sum Of That
  • 20 SUMthings
  • Dogs Rule
  • Relationships
  • Guest Post

heading-instagram

Before we opened, lots of people questioned why on Before we opened, lots of people questioned why on earth I’d “want to open a brick and mortar when everyone just shops online...?” 
⭐️
But you know what? SUM people like to shop in real life. They like to touch and try on. They like to be surrounded by good vibes and build memories you can’t make online. It’s good to get out, check out, and log off for a bit. 
⭐️
I’m not saying “Don’t shop online” (I do too!) I’m just saying it’s also nice to add in another element. Small businesses are SUPER COOL and special — and I promise you, if they’re in business right now, it’s because they’re working super hard to keep their doors open. I have also been putting in the work, and I am feeling so grateful for the stellar group of customers, businesses and friends that support us and all we are trying to do. 
⭐️
Thank you @feministmomming for doing a spotlight on @dimsumanddoughnuts and @sumgirlsboutique and for reminding me how special my family, our brand, and our support system are to us. We are so grateful to have all of you in our lives and on our ride. 🙏 #SupportLocal #ShopSmall and Come Get SUM soon! 💜 #SumGirlsBoutique 
_______________________________
👗👚👖 Trendy, Sustainable Fashion + New Apparel & Accessories for Tweens * Teens * Ladies in #BerkleyMi
Challenge Accepted @poesygallery @moe_z_arts @shan Challenge Accepted @poesygallery @moe_z_arts @shan809 @debfuger @lmk126 @dianna.feldman 💜 Trying hard every day to build our brand so women and girls have a place to feel good about themselves and have SUM fun! So lucky to be surrounded by so many strong, amazing women who support me no matter what I do. 🙏💜 @sumgirlsboutique @dimsumanddoughnuts #womensupportingwomen
On Sat, March 28, 2020 our daughter’s dream came On Sat, March 28, 2020 our daughter’s dream came true ⭐️ •
•••••
Instead of having her Bat Mitzvah service in the Rabbi’s Study, family only (which was still more people than she wanted) she got to have it at home with just us! 🎉 •
•••••
Frankie will forever be the first person EVER from the congregation of #TempleBethEl to be Bat Mitzvah’d via #ZOOM in the comfort of her own home! Dress Code: #QuarantineCasual.👌🏻 •
•••••
It was the most incredible experience for our family, including #BrunoMarshall 🐾, and we couldn’t be prouder of our amazing daughter. ❤️🙏 •
•••••
#DimSumAndDoughnuts 
#GrowingUp 
#QuarantineBatMitzvah #wehadatorahinourhouse
In the midst of the COVID-19 yuckiness and all the In the midst of the COVID-19 yuckiness and all the crap it has thrown at our family (and so many others), it’s still #GotchaDay and it needs to be celebrated! 🎉 12 years this diva has been with us and we love her more every day. ❤️ 🥘 🍩 @DimSumAndDoughnuts • @sumgirlsboutique #daughterlove #daughterlife #adoptionday
#NationalAdoptionMonth, yo! 🙌🏻 If you are ad #NationalAdoptionMonth, yo! 🙌🏻 If you are adopted or have an adopted kid, take 20% OFF any one regularly priced item @sumgirlsboutique on Sat, Nov 23 cuz #adoptionrocks! 🎸 ❤️ •
•
#SumGirlsBoutique • Trendy, Current, #SustainableFashion + New Apparel & Accessories for Tweens, Teens & Ladies of all Ages in #downtownberkley
#internationaldayofthegirl is a day to promote the #internationaldayofthegirl is a day to promote the empowerment of young girls everywhere-but we try to do that everyday @sumgirlsboutique! 💜⭐️ 💪🏻 Come see us and Come Get SUM sooooon! •
•
Trendy, Current, #SustainableFashion + New Apparel & Accessories for Tweens, Teens & Ladies of all Ages in #DowntownBerkley💜@dimsumanddoughnuts
Did not know about #NationalDaughtersDay until it Did not know about #NationalDaughtersDay until it was too late, but I did write a blog post for those divas and it took me a YEAR and I hope they appreciate it one day! 😜😜 #DontBeStupid #mothersanddaughters #growingup  #DimSumAndDoughnuts #sumgirlsboutique •
•
Blog Post link in bio (It’s a gooooood one!)
Photo Cred @mikemoy
Happy #NationalDogDay from this handSUM guy! 💜 Happy #NationalDogDay from this handSUM guy! 💜 #BrunoMarshall #BlackLabs #LoveForDogs
One night only! We were all together, and now they One night only! We were all together, and now they’re all gone... 😢Cody and #BrunoMarshall came to get the divas, and now they’re #camptanuga bound! Bring on the magic • 2019 ❤️🌈⛺️#tanugamagic #tanuga #campwifelife
These two came home from NYC with two new loves: # These two came home from NYC with two new loves: #governorsisland and #pokernight - and the most love for their Uncle D 💛 @dstortion #BKgirls #DimSumAndDoughnuts / @sumgirlsboutique
#BrownAndWhiteStripes in our hearts and home and c #BrownAndWhiteStripes in our hearts and home and closets forever. ❤️ #DimSumAndDoughnuts #gonebutneverforgotten #henribendel #bendelgirlsforlife #bendelgirls | @henribendel @dimsumanddoughnuts
@dimsumanddoughnuts divas #BehindTheScenes at @sum @dimsumanddoughnuts divas #BehindTheScenes at @sumgirlsboutique 💕 @mphmarketingsolutions #DowntownBerkley
So happy we got to be a part of this amazing story So happy we got to be a part of this amazing story and that we are teamed up with the #DrewTransitionCenter in #Detroit! ❤️#SumGirlsBoutique #DimSumAndDoughnuts 
#EmpowerPotential #Confidence #Support #Smiles / @dimsumanddoughnuts
#NationalAdoptionDay 💜 #NationalAdoptionDay 💜
#HappyHalloween from #johnandyoko ❤️🎃👻 #HappyHalloween from #johnandyoko ❤️🎃👻
Late to the party, as usual. I missed #nationaldau Late to the party, as usual. I missed #nationaldaughtersday but these divas are getting a whole blog written for them one day so I don’t feel that guilty! @dimsumanddoughnuts #daughters #sisters #momlife #momblog #dimsumanddoughnuts
Follow on Instagram

heading-find-us-on-facebook
heading-recent-posts

Mona

June 30, 2020

The Eyedeegafs

April 16, 2020

Don’t Be Stupid, Part 2

August 8, 2019

Don’t Be Stupid

August 15, 2018

links

  • Adoptimist.com
heading-connect
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
  • Snapchat
headeing-advertise
MPH Marketing Solutions In Berkley, MI
funky-frog-boutique
camp-tanuge
pronto
Kay_Bratt
 

Copyright © 2021 Dim Sum and Doughnuts

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.