(From The Archives: April 3, 2012)
For some reason, whenever I voice a concern about my kids, there is almost always someone who feels the need to weigh in with the following response:
“Oh, just wait. That’s NOTHING… Just wait until she is (fill in whatever age their kid is), because that’s way worse!”
I can’t stand that.
Currently, my younger kid is still pooping in her diaper. She’s going to be 3 years old soon and she still doesn’t tell me when she needs to go. I would think she’d want to tell me but no, she is quite content walking around with a rump full of dump.
And not only that, but when I approach her about the VERY obvious poop in her pants, she simply replies: “It’s OK, Mommy!”…Really? Is it? Is it OK that you are walking around with a giant POOP IN YOUR PANTS?”
(Kid in the green/yellow is the one who still poops in her pants.)
(Yep, that one.)
As a parent to a little one, I feel like my complaint is valid. I’m over my kid crapping her pants. I’m looking for someone to help me, to give me some advice. I’m not looking for this:
“Just wait…Oh, just wait…I have a 17 year old son who just brought a hooker to my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah and also, he does bong hits at the dinner table.”
I’m sorry, but did I ask to hear about your 17 year old train wreck of a kid? No, I did not. I have a kid who is literally CRAPPING her pants. I’m not interested in your horror and “whore” stories. Thanks for nothing. Go clean your kid’s bong.
I guess it’s normal for the Been There, Done That parents to use the “Just Wait” scare tactic. They’ve earned it. They paid their dues. They already went through all the stuff we’re dealing with. They’ve moved on. I get that.
But it’s not really helpful.
It’s about perspective, yes, but please understand–everything is relative. If you’re talking to someone who hasn’t been a parent as long as you have, someone who has a valid complaint about what is currently going on with their kid, a kid who’s walking around in denial about a diaper that smells like 4 day old Indian food, I can tell you with a great deal of confidence that perspective is not what they’re looking for.
Most parents (especially new ones) are beat up and worn out. We want someone to listen when we have a concern—a if you’re offering an effective solution, we’ll gladly take it.
We want help. We want support.
Raising kids is like any other part of life. It goes in phases and we have to ride each one out. We suit up and bear down through the rough phases while we wish, in vain, that the fun phases would last forever.
When we complain about parenting issues, we’re either asking for help or looking to vent.
But if you choose to respond to our pleas with “Just Wait…blah blah blah blah blah annoying” well, that’s totally fine. But I think YOU should “Just Wait” too…and I think you should do it over there, with my kid, who just pooped in her diaper. Again.
Thanks for being here!
R
Ashby says
April 26, 2016 at 6:01 amI, too, hate the “Just Wait” comments. I have one neighbor who often said to me, “It always gets better.” I now say that to parents of young ones. My kids are teens now – with one off to college in the fall. I would love to revisit moments of their younger days and yet I also love where they are now. Sure, moment to moment, it can be challenging but, overall, it truly does get better and better as they grow. I choose to honor that by encouraging other parents. Perhaps I will inspire others the way my neighbor inspired me.
Robyn says
April 26, 2016 at 11:24 amI love your philosophy. I love that each year is filled with different things, not better or worse. Thank you for being able to appreciate that. You have always been an inspiring voice for this blog, and definitely as YUM as your “name.” 🙂
#Ashbyforevs XOXOXO
Kristin says
April 26, 2016 at 3:51 pmVery funny. I wish my experience would help you. All I can say is a very wise daycare worker offered this advice: “Put her in underwear. You’ll be doing a lot of laundry for a few weeks, but it works.” It did. In less than two weeks my child was keeping her underwear poop-free both day and night. Good luck!
Robyn says
April 28, 2016 at 10:20 amHi Kristen!! I love that you jumped on to comment. Thank you!! I actually think that’s what I did! I think I did stick her in undies and had her “deal with it.” I can’t even remember now, how sad is that? The post was originally written a few years ago and I have no memory! I’m just happy to report that she is now 6 years old and no longer peeing in her pants. And I don’t either, in case you’re wondering. 🙂 🙂 Thank you for being here! Means so much… OXOXO
Joel Storchan says
April 26, 2016 at 5:01 pmFirst Mayo Clinic say 3 years old is still diaper time. They have some great ideas, but then again you have done it before. Never had my daughter at 3, so I should shut the hell up.
I just got to say this thought, I never thought that I would want kids, and I never thought that I would be a good parent. Plus after reading a Life Magazine article about fathers doing terrible things to their kids, scarred the devil out of me, and I had no idea how I would react to my child.
It is amazing how everything changes when your child is born, a switch turns on, but then again, I had good loving parents. The first night I stood over her crib for hours and could not take my eyes off of her. When I was with my daughter I felt this special bond, I cannot explain it. Even with my Niece and Nephew there was a special bond, I would protect them with my life, if I had too. I remember having my Niece, which is you, on a bassinet ready to change her diaper (I was babysitting), this was my flesh and blood, and I would never clean anyone’s crap unless I had a bond. Heck, my Nephew would always piss in my face when I changed his diaper. Well my niece could not lay still and when I reached over to get some wipes she decided to learn about gravity and head toward the floor. It is amazing the instinct that kicks in when a love one is in trouble, I caught her before she discovered the floor (“The force acting on an object is equal to the mass of that object times its acceleration.” It all happened at an instant, yet time slowed down and I reached down and grabbed her before she me the ground.
I have to say I was shaking, Adrenalin had kicked in, I finished with the diaper, put her to bed. Sat down and passed out.
Robyn, you love your family, you can do no wrong. You turned into true
motherhood, you followed the love your family gave you.
Appreciate every moment with your kids at this age, no matter the good or bad, they are little kids now which is great. There will come a time when you might consider cryogenic stasis for your girls until they reach 25. Right now it is the best of times.
Robyn says
April 28, 2016 at 10:22 amYou’re so good to us. Thank you for all you do for our family unit. You were there for us when I was little and now you’re there (and just as fun) for my kids. And, also, thank you for not letting my head hit the floor. Or did it? That would explain a lot. XOXXO 🙂