Welcome to the third installment of “Mailbag Monday!“
Below are the topics/questions that were sent in and up for discussion this week. Feel free to agree, disagree, add on, whatever you want.
–Age differences in relationships
When this one came through, the first thing I thought of was Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. When they split, I was sad, not because I know them (I don’t) but because when relationships end, it’s always a little sad. The thing is, I never really understood theirs. I think it was one of those relationships that was right at the time, but when it was done, it was time for it to be done.
It seemed like she was always trying to keep up with him. He‘s quite a bit younger, and as awesome as she looks, she’s still however old she is so there is always going to be something that bags, sags or drags. I started feeling like she wanted to look his age. It all seemed like a lot of work. I couldn’t help but think she would be happier home, watching “St. Elmo’s Fire” shot-gunning cake balls instead of suiting up all the time and being photo ready. She already did all that stuff—when she was his age.
Their relationship made me tired.
But that doesn’t mean I’m adverse to all relationships with considerable age differences—if two people are happy, YAY for them! If it were me though, I wouldn’t do the younger guy thing (well, OK, maybe for a night). I‘d go older. It just seems more natural to me. But, even then, as physically comfortable as I’d have to be with myself to be with a considerably younger guy, I’d have to be just as comfortable with myself mentally to be with a considerably older guy.
Generation gaps leave a lot of room for cultural, musical and iconic references that won‘t be implicitly understood and relationships are hard enough without having a similar frame of references. In other words, if I refer to the song “Stan“ by Eminem or the fact that I used to take the stickers off my of rubik‘s cube to try and get at least one side all one color, I don’t need someone asking me a bunch of questions or not knowing what the hell I’m talking about.
But that’s just me. You could have a totally different answer and that’s totally cool.
I took on a second question for today because it was a really easy one. You can comment on this one too if you want. Or you don’t have to and I’ll just think I’m the SMARTEST PERSON EVER.
“I know you have one child who is adopted and one who isn’t. Do you ever feel that when the adopted one is on your nerves that its because she is adopted and not your own? Do you feel guilt?”
Yes, I do feel like the adopted one gets on my nerves more than the other one but then 2 seconds later the other one is on my nerves, so it all evens it out pretty quickly. Sometimes kids are just annoying. But sometimes they are hilarious:
And I love them no matter what.
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When my children get on my nerves, I think…they look so much like me, and they act so much like me. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? Oh yeah…now I remember. haha!
I think your children are adorable. I also think I need a nap, but I won’t get that one, so I will just send out pretty compliments to everyone else. 🙂
Sorry about no nap for you but I’ll take some pretty compliments!! I think you are awesome. There’s your pretty compliment! 🙂
I gotta comment on topic 2 as a mom to 4 kids…some bio, some adopted…all get on my nerves and all of them are “my own” cause if they weren’t and they got on my nerves I’d send their butts right back to their parents!
Oh, yeah Tami! You are PERFECT!!! I always tell F that I’m going to send her to back to China and she can take her sister with her (Stellar parenting) 🙂
Yay, you chose my topic! (Was that supposed to be a secret..? Oops.) My ex-boyfriend was almost 6 years younger than me (and I’m 28, yikes). I learned a lot about myself during our time together and maybe in the future a 6 year age difference wouldn’t be a big deal, but in our 20s, my god, it IS a big deal. I don’t think I could do that again. On the other hand, I’m all about guys older than me. Thanks for the always thoughtful insight!
I agree. In your 20’s it is a big deal. A lot happens in those years. A LOT. As you get older, it all starts to come together but I can see that a 22/28 pairing might be tough, especially if the guy is the younger one. Cody and I are 5 years apart but he’s older. I don’t really ever feel the age difference, except for some reason he has a better metabolism than me (so not fair.)
I loved your topic and I’m so happy to have you as a reader and contributor. You’re awesome, Jillian. Thank you!!